Young Writers Society

Niteowl. I am really, really not hungry because I had a huge lunch. Like, I am not even sure how I ate that much (except that it was friggin' decision). In fact, I feel kind of like becoming a python and spreading out to digest, actually. But this poem makes me want to have baklava. *flails*

Anyway, this poem is really cute and I love how it joins the generations together over one of the best times to be a family ever -- dinner time. It's just really cute to see how the different generations interact with each other and everything!

The only thing is that I think it might have too many inside jokes? There were times, anyway, in which I kind of stared at the words and thought, "Eh... I don't quite understand that." So, it feels (to me) like peering in on someone else's family dinner, but not having all the context.

Still, it really is a cute poem... even though it highlights the fact that I don't have baklava. (Woe!)

Ohhh, nite. I like this premise. I think it's really relevant and true. Old time food didn't care at all about health. They needed to fatten their families up to keep them looking healthy from all the hard work they did. And now that we're going into a period in time when we don't really chop firewood anymore, that food goes to harming us instead. But we can't shake off the feeling that this good old comfort food should be GOOD for us, and refusing it is really hard.

I love that you have a four part environment going on. I love that you give a level that lots of people in the world can relate to. Only the grandfathers are really left out.

And what I really like is that it's not just about eating a piece of baklava or apple pie. It's secretly about respect or at what point family becomes less important than the individual, and what is support, and what does support mean, and when are you successful in supporting one another: when you make sacrifice so there's no temptation for others?

As for the writing in this poem, I'd like to see some attention paid to these lines:

my mother says, fighting
so that maybe she'll have
grandkids someday.

But it's for my Nicole,
you like it, honey-mou?"

My taste buds say yes,
but my stomach won't yield.

because you don't leave the table
until your stomach explodes.

I really like this poem and its originality! It brings family dinner alive, and it's a very relatable (yet seldom written) topic that leaps right off the page. I especially like your last stanza and how to ended with "every\last\bite."
I also like how you managed to engage dialogue in the poem. Good job!

Hey Niteowl,
First , let me appreciate that you dare chose an interesting yet a unique topic bringing out new dimension and diversity to the poem, that actually exists.
One thing that I always say is that once you come up with some idea, just revise it and make it more presentable so that others can grab the idea.
Obviously we can not get the real insight as poet intends, yet somehow one succeed relating it to one's own life.
Last try making the poem a bit symmetrical, you may have the liberty to use any style of writing, still using some pattern would be most appreciable.
You may not agree to all points but this is what I felt as a reader and being personally into the poem thing, hope it helps you some way.
Best of luck with your work, you've got the potential.
Best wishes.

Hey niteowl,

This is a really cute poem! It reminds me of the holidays and everything my family cooks around Thanksgiving and Christmas. It really evokes what it feels like to be with family during that time of year, which I like.

My one concern, though, is that isn't very poetic. There isn't much imagery or a real sense of rhythm, and I feel like if you took away the poetic formatting and added a few linking words, it would read like prose. I'm also not sure how I feel about the dialogue within the piece, because it just makes it confusing.

It's hard to follow. Who is the narrator? How old is he? Is Nicole his wife or his daughter? Who is Yia-Yia? Is it the holidays, or just a normal family dinner? What are the circumstances of this family. Why are they so concerned about apple pie?

I don't understand who is all at the table or what the point is really. They don't want to eat pie, but then they eat it anyway? I mean, I guess that's nice, but it's not the sort of thing that leaves much impression after you read it. I want a vivid picture of the table, the food, the family, I want to understand what this means.

Good luck! I'm sure you have it in you to make this great.

Hi Niteowl! This is a quick review...
Nice job on this poem! It was something I wouldn't of thought of writing a poem about!

But, was it about not being able to eat pie????? Or different opinions??
It kinda was confusing as to the point of the poem...but I'm usually confused all the time so If I say it's confusing it's probably perfectly understandable! :p

But it was a good idea to make a poem about a family dinner...

-Neon.