Young Writers Society

This is a really really cute little poem. It sounds really nice and has a child-like view on the world. I liked your choice of words like fragile. I like how you used italics for the words red crayon to add emphasis. Just one question, but why did you want to emphasize on that particular point? Thank-you. It was a really good poem. Happy New Year!
justgottabeme13

Nice.

Happy new year!

Hi Clarity,
This poem is short and sweet and I do enjoy it myself. I find these kinds of poems can also be one of the more difficult types of poems to write. When I read it I think of children because of the red crayon. To me I think of parents trying to be careful as they raise a child which makes the words "fragile" and "careful" work perfectly
I love metaphors and I think that you nailed this.
Great choice of words and keep up the great writing!
I give it an A
-Leah

Hello Clarity

Well, its short and sweet. It must be really difficult to write poems which are short and contain meaning.
I am a little confused and yes, I have a few questions.

1. By usage of the word fragile, do you want to convey that the paper is really old?
2. You have placed the lines you said, what does it convey?
3. What is the significance of the red crayon?

Usually, red is used to portray danger or some unpleasant thing, eg. Bloodstain but that will not work here as you have mentioned the word 'favourite'.

And most importantly, in your title, '..a broken promise' , how does it connect to your poem?

Do not get discouraged. No offence meant!

All the best, Clarity!
Keep writing

Hey Clarity!

Long time no see. I'm glad to see you've been writing. c:

As you know, I'm rotten at poetry-- but, hey, I want to give it a try for you anyway. Your pacing and rhythm is great. I like the topic you chose, too. As usual, you've got an interesting, abstract idea that you turned into some lovely verses. I enjoyed this piece quite a bit, even though I didn't fully grasp the idea (which is completely usual for me).

My only complaint is...

I traced over fragile paper

Hello, there.
Rachel here to review!

Let me start off by saying this: the short length of this poem makes it hard to understand. It has no back story...
Why is this paper so fragile? Is it old?
Are you currently placing these lines, or are you tracing over where you once did so?
What's the significance of a red crayon?
What's the significance of this paper? How does this title relate to the writing?
I feel like these short and to-the-point lines that you've used could definitely make for a great piece, if you included a couple more. It feels as if this piece lacks emotion and/or meaning. Like it's incomplete.

Keep writing; I would love to see where you take this. I think it has great potential. The style you've used almost reminds me of a haiku- very short and vague sentences that come together to create a beautiful story. That's hard to do. Just add some more and this could be great!

-Rae