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139,295 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Hey Steam!
I loved aesthetically the font you used for this poem. Much of what I said in my previous review is also going to apply to this poem, there is a lot of telling and not much to interact with.
I am not a fan of "I remember..." as repeated refrains, it is done often in many poems and it can get superflous. Once you say it once, we get the point. Say it once, say ir right.
I feel like the crux of the poem for me was the "But something changed" line. It adds tension and conflict and makes for a nice turn. However, "something" os boring, general and vague. Specifically, an event occured. What was it?
I hope this helps!
Keep writing.
~ as always, Audy
Love this!! Idk if it was intentional, but I like that there is no period in the last line. Lol. Hard to explain but it fits in...like intensifies the ending...oh nvm :'D
Hello!! This is WIth3r3dros3 here for a review.
Overall, the poem is VERY good!! It is very relatable and I feel your struggle. One thing I do have to say is you start off the first three stanzas with "I remember...." which makes it seem like every single stanza is going to begin like that. As I said earlier, the poem is good overall but it would make more sense to do something like change the wording a just a tiny bit and make it like "I remember your voice beginning to fade. And also my smile" or "I remember you left me. Along with my happiness". You don't have do that, but that's what I would do.
And also I love the fact that you state you remembered something and then put it more in detail.
Keep up the awesome work!!
xo. WIth3r3dros3
I have the stanzas like that because I am stating that I remember that, but now this is happening. I will explain at school, if you don't understand what I mean
So realistic! Love it!
Oh my God,its a nice poem
..but you could had added some memories like maybe when you guys went somewhere and had fun or maybe when you did something funny.
When she assured you everything would be alright,when she called you just to make sure you are fine.
Its a good one tho and you are also good.It's what happens a lot in life,its real.
Such incredible imagery! Great key points portrayed with experience and reminiscing. Very well written, also. Overall the emotion was conveyed so movingly and your poem touched me.