Everything can change
in the blink of an eye.
Life may be gone,
destiny could alter.
One might lose it all,
another could gain.
You can make this world
and effect everyone around you.
Each choice is yours to make,
they all shape what you become.
Live your own path,
make it one you wont regret.
Remember,
life is shaped through your choices.
Not just yours,
but every ones around you.
You've set in motion your fate.
I hope you're ready.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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I don't know... I feel like this is more of a conversation than anything else, like it's something you'd say to me if I told you I was considering dropping calculus.
Give me more imagery, more abstract thoughts. Poetry is what happens between the lines. I see nothing between these lines; your message is all up-front, and I think that's why it doesn't feel very profound.
Think about that a little, and work on it.
Yeah... this poem is very awkward. It seems like a string of clichéd "you can do it!" sort of messages. You might have pulled it off, except it didn't really have any feeling to it. Like, you told us that life could effect (by the way, it should have been "affect."
) choices, but you just told us. You didn't show us anything, nor did you attempt to show us anything. So that's why it didn't work.
But you seem to be a prolific writer... I'm sure you'll come up with something brilliant soon.
Thanks I'll keep it all in mind
i get the genral feeling of this poem and the idea it is trying to put across and i like it for that. however it seems to jump around alot and the ideas do not flow very smothly.
Again, you seem to pick very abstract topics. Destiny. Choices. Choosing the right way. These are all common things within your poetry and that is alright but... I take nothing from it.
Your stanzas are unorganized, the first is seven lines, the second is six lines, and the last is four lines. The poem is shapeless this way. There are styles to poetry, couplets, 3 lined stanzas, four lined stanzas, etc. but when they are used, you continue the pattern throughout the whole, unless there is a reason to change that makes sense (you can change up the style, but even then it should have some reason, some pattern).\
You have no rhythm, or rhyme. but I won't bother about that.
Instead, I'm going to talk about your subjects. They're always the same, they always have the same feel. Do you have nothing else you could write about? I seriously suggest to try to write a poem on a more solid idea, object, or subject. It will help you grow as a poet, and get you out of your current spot (writing poems that sound like the same thing, just in different ways.) I also highly suggest that you read poetry. I don't know if you do, or if I have already suggest that you do it. But reading poetry (Be it classic, published, bad, or good) will help you learn how to write poetry.
I hope this helped...