Bliss of Day

by piepiemann22

Published March 8, 2008

In Poems

The leaves rustle beneath my feet,
the same with the wind and the trees.
The breeze of summers kiss blows
and I stay my feet a moment.

I let the air cores my body
giving me a feeling of serenity.
Buds of flowers begin to bloom
and everything comes to life.

The leaves create a green shield
concealing all of earth's wonders,
but nothing can be kept from my eye.
Those wonders shall be known.

Birds of blue and red begin to sing,
a tune sweet to heart and soul.
I find a nest,
they sing for the new born.

I smile as beauty moves around me,
all to which I am still.
I feel blessed, but I must go on
the bliss of day shall soon be night.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Angel of Death
Comment
Angel of Death commented Comment · Mar 8, 2008

I loved this. It calmed me down because today was so freaking weird. Well anyways it was beautiful.

User avatar
niteowl
Review
niteowl wrote a review Review · Mar 8, 2008

Overall, it's pretty, but not super-memorable. I feel almost like I've read this before. It's not horrible, it's just boring. Words like "beauty", "heart", "soul", and "wonders" are pretty much meaningless. Show me what's beautiful and wondrous instead of just telling me that it is. You had the right idea going in the first stanza with some imagery (although "I stay my feet a moment" doesn't make sense.) Now expand upon that. Tell me more about the flowers, the birds, the leaves. What color? How do they smell? What does the tune make you think of? What does the nest look like? Tidy? Sloppy? Small? Large? What kind of birds are they? Robins? Eagles? Pigeons? Really think about what you are trying to express, and you will sound much more original.

A secondary comment: I doubt the air was actually drilling a hole through your body. Perhaps you meant "caress"?

Keep writing!



It is not enough to do your best; you must know what to do, and THEN do your best.
— W. Edwards Deming