A shadow once feared is gone.
Light begins to shine through the dark.
Hope is restored,
freedom is given,
life begins,
with the warmth of the heart.
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Canary word: Present
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140,149 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Thank you for your help. I have to edmit this isin't my best poem. I'll try again soon.
I'm confused as to what point you're trying to convey here. Oh, I know poetry doesn't have to have a point, per se, but it does need to have a general aim, a direction of flow--and this seems to just be a short collection of vague, passe reflections. The disappearance of shadows, the metaphorical "temperature" of the heart... these are so overdone in amateur poetry that even if they're conveyed in an original way, they make a connoiseur physically wince. As to your contrast between light and dark--well, that's one of the mainstays of poetry, and it creeps into every poet's work in some form or another. But couldn't you have found an interesting way to display it?
...That's simply too banal and bland to completely believe. It has absolutely no flavor, no cadence or particular turn of phrase to keep the reader's interest. As it is, there's nothing to hold the eye... it just slides right over this poem, which leaves almost no impact other than a vague, disgusted wonderment that the art of poetry can sink so low.
The one thing I'll give you is that, aside from a misplace comma at the end of the fifth line, your use of punctuation and capitalization--at least in this poem--surpasses that of most newbies on this site.
A few tips for next time:
- Don't just put words on a line until the length looks good, hit enter, rinse and repeat; there is (or should be, at least) a reason for the length of every line.
- Think about the words you use. Is there a fresher way to put it? Do you have to use such basic terms?
- Most importantly: is there a point, a direction to the poem? If not... scrap it. It's not worth your time or ours.
piepiemann22--
What you've posted here is junk. Throw it away. It isn't worth the effort to edit because there isn't anything here. You should couple it with actual poetry if you want it to have an effect on your reader. As it is, it reads like a message from a fortune cookie.
If you have better stuff, let's see it.
Best,
Brad
Another success!
I like this a ridiculous amount. It's so simple, yet it conveys so much.
Awesome