At last I am calm,
stressed released from my being.
Thoughts are at rest
and I feel so alone.
Peace at last,
a life left behind.
The tree line above
leaving shadow below.
Light shines through the top
like water through a strainer.
The rays bask my face
in warmth and glory.
I heave a sigh of relief
being able to finally let go.
The airs fresh and clean,
a crisp breeze across my face.
All is quiet,
the world is left for me.
The birds don't sing,
not a bug is buzzing.
The wind would blow,
the leave never rustle.
Nothing around me,
but peace and serenity.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
The poem's lovely! but even so, I have to agree with Ani's corrections and Someguy's conclusion..
Here are some of my suggestions:
1.The tree line above
leaving shadow below.
I think that the second line should go something like.. casts shadows below
2. Light shines through the top
like water through a strainer.
My suggestion is to invert the two lines like this: Like water through a strainer, Light seeps through the top
3. The rays bask my face
in warmth and glory.
Try My face basks under rays rich in warmth and glory
4. The airs fresh and clean,
a crisp breeze across my face.
I don't think that air is either singular nor plural.. change it from airs to just air
I hope that my suggestions help! I'm lookiing forward to reading more of your works!
There are alot of things being dealt with here. In the first stanza alone, there are thoughts of calm, loneliness, maybe a bit of nostalgia, but what do any of those really mean? The third stanza is a good example of showing one of these thoughts, but I'm not sure about the second and fourth. In general, see where you can hide feelings expressed in the first stanza without coming right out and saying them. Almost like a game.
PM me if you have any questions,
-Amelia
It is a good poem.
I think there was a few mistakes.
I dont know. The rest of the poem is good until you get here. I don't know but something in that line makes it, (How can I say)Different.
The rest of the poem was good, just that part.
Keep up the good work.
This poem has a nice description.I liked it.
just a thing I wanted to verify thats,are you sure its "stressed released" or is it "stress released".
These three stanzas I loved it.and I think it should be "leaves" instead of "leave never rustle".
Well done!!
*claps for Tony*
Loved the description in this poem. It reminded me of spring.
It was also nicely worded.
Two thumbs up!!