Our Truth

Hey there, fallenoutofgrace! I'm wisegirl22, as you may or may not know, and I am here to help you so kindly.

We'll begin our truthful review with the small errors that can almost be invisible if I didn't bring them up. I'll start. Here's a common nitpick that is the size of an electron. Why oh why, fallenoutofgrace, did you ever make me have to say this? This...small but mighty thing. Ahem. Don't capitalize the beginning of each and every line. Ones after periods are fine, but ones after commas are destructive to the flow, for me, and for such a nice person you wouldn't want to do that, would you?

Second up, we have a small error that is the size of a molecule. The first line, however beautiful and truthful, is wrong in a part. "Say" doesn't fit right in like every other word does, so it should be "said".

"It is say that this love we possess is a tragedy in a making..."

Another error about the size of...wait! Something small, which I have no idea how big it is. But a cell. It should be very small. Why is it a "green" monster? Why can't it be purple, or pink, or green with rainbow polka-dots? Why?

"That the green monsters can only hide for so long..."

Now I'll give you an edited version of your piece, and you'll fix everything that's wrong. 'Kay?
"You, my dear, is the greatest moment I possess,
you are the sunshine that sends me joyfully down these streets and halls,
you, my love, leaves my head and heart fuzzy with these enchanting feelings,
a dove may not take flight without the whimsical wind to aid his feathery arms,
the blackness of our universe can only be lighted by those bursting stars to brighten the way."

And again, edited.

"That a love as true as this one sets course forevermore,
I know that my words are just that...words.
But let my actions speak volume, for I shall never leave the sun's side,
forevermore we shall race around on weightless paws through our forest of a home,
you are indeed my one and only,
for I see that without your grace I have found myself tumbling and falling through the seven tiers of Hell,
thou art the Juliet to my love-struck Romeo,
for this love story was foretold in the stars,
my dear, this is the truth,
We will always be."

I like the way how in the line about Romeo and Juliet, you put those old-timey words, and I think I get the gist from this poem: love. That subject makes me gag, yet I loved this. Happy reviewing and writing!

-wisegirl22

Hey there, Scarlet here to review!

This was truly beautiful but before I list the pro's I have to go over the cons...

- There is a big run on sentence throughout the entire poem. I don't know much about poetry, and sometimes punctuation does not belong in a poem. But, what kind of poem was this meant to be for informational purposes?

Other than that this was beautiful, and sweet. Like a cool, refreshing breeze in even the hottest of summers. It was gracefully and beautifully corrupted and I give you thumbs up for you work on this poem.

Usually I wouldn't care for romantic poetry but this wasn't overly gushy. It was sweet but not too sweet, not to many sugars in the tea pitcher. It had flavor and good wording and rhythm.

Great job and keep writing your heart out!

I give you a...



Sincerely, ScarletDreams14; Member of the Mystery Machine review team

Hmm, what a touching poem/letter this is. It is really heartfelt, and is was clearly written by someone who wanted their words to be embedded in the mind of the letter's receiver and remembered forever. Who ever this is written for would definitely feel the emotion and heart that the writer poured into it. It truly emphasizes everything they feel for the other person in a creative, well thought out manner.

One thing that kind of bother me was how this isn't at least spilt into a couple of stanzas. Now, that doesn't take away from the poem's quality or mood, and I realize it might be a letter, but I felt the need to mention that. It might just be my OCD interfering...

Finally, without repeating myself too much, the emotion in this letter (I'm going to stick with that) is really felt by the reader, because I know I felt like this was made for me, or anyone for that matter. Oops, I think I just repeated myself, so I'll cut it off here. Awesome job!'

~The dark one.

Wow romantic I see... well you struck me hard in the face. This is written very well the metaphors and imagery are beautifully flawless. My favorite part was when you wrote

They say that a candle can not last without melting in a fiery rage,
That the green monsters can only hide for so long,

I don't know why, but it really captures my attention and I can't stop reading it over and over. It's just amazing A candle can't last from its fiery rage, it makes me smile. I also love how it has a bit of a Shakespearean twist in parts of your writing, it just flows perfectly and sets the mood, I always believed how Shakespeare wrote was somewhat always romantic even if the play was supposed to be tragic. (Maybe because it's so formal and no one really writes like that anymore.) But I'm glad you brought some of that formal writing into your beautiful work! Great job, and keep writing my poetic friend! Rock on!

I like this poem, but it takes on the form of a love letter.
I love the many metaphors and what not, and don't get me wrong, it's a nice poem. It just doesn't feel like a poem.
Perhaps it's just me. I'm not saying I don't like it!! In fact, I think it's truly romantic and perfect for the subject of love. I just think it'd make a better letter. Not poem...

In all actuality, I love it. It's very beautiful and perfectly describes what I've always heard love feels like. You chose the best vocabulary possible, in that it's not to complex, nor to simplistic for a poem of love.

I enjoyed reading this, and hope to see more from you.

Good luck to you!