The
thing about betrayal,
He
demands to be felt,
Caressing
gently at first,
Such
as a love struck couple,
But
only to caught one off guard for his truest nature,
He
shall ravage one's body and loins,
Laughing
as a warm heat radiates off his lips,
They
say he has a nice side,
Sadly
one will never see that.
They
say that betrayal is a tyrant,
Stripping
the fabric of reality from those he steals from,
And
what dose he take?
Not
materialistic trinkets,
Meaningless
marvels,
No
my friend he steals what one can never replace,
He
strips ones innocent and life with his gruff hands,
Replacing
the light and joy with the truth,
Leaving
one on the grounds of life,
A
lesser being as before,
Shaken
beyond belief of the wrongdoing that has succumb them.
They
say it is possible to overcome his touch,
But,
What cost must you pay? To
erase the images of betrayal standing over oneself,
What
is the cost?To
retrieve what may never be gained,
The
answer my friends,
Everything.
Why
do I say this?
For
one can never forget betrayal,
He
remains inside oneself,
Like
an insignificant gnat buzzing around one's ear,
One
may never escape his grasp,
His
calloused hands rubbing there hearts for all eternity,
He
dose not care for beings he toys with,
Amuses
himself with their torment,
No
my friends betrayal demands to be felt,
Until
the day one dies and is lower six feet under,
Only
then is one rid of his awful touch.
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139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
Woah. When I heard the name I never thought you would portray betrayal as a man. It caught me off guard but it's such a good decision. I feel like it gave the piece that extra something. This is a beautiful and tragic poem, I love love love it. My favorite line was "no my friends betrayal demands to be felt, until one day one dies and is lower six feet under, only then is one rid of his awful touch." I like this part a lot because of its honesty. This is the truest thing about life that I have ever heard. You have an amazing sense of reality and writing. I loved it. Keep writing!
Thanks it means alot
Hey there, Scarlet here to review!
Alright, nitpicks first!
-Wrong and doing aren't an entire word therefore they must be separated and see as 2 whole words.
- There needs to be a space between that quotation mark and To.
Other than that, this is another great poem I've read from you.
This rather depressed me, I almost cried. I have no idea why but this was a rather tragic poem. I think I know what the message from it is and it affected me.
Like I said last like beautifully corrupted and well pieced together. Another great piece of poetry, great job!
Keep writing!
I give you a...
Sincerely, ScarletDreams14; Member of the Mystery Machine review team
your correct on the message if were on the same page. Also, thank you.
Hey, yo, fallenoutofgrace! Strangelove here on this Review Day and I have a review for you!
I enjoyed this poem. Something about it put a small flame in my heart, and I liked that. I'm not so much angsty as I was at the beginning of the year, but I liked this trash poem.
The vocab in this is slightly overdone, but it works. That's what makes these poems work. The words flowed together, piece by piece, almost like a spoken word poem. I enjoy spoken word poetry, so I can't deny that. It flowed, and grabbed about half of its emotional potential.
Why I say half? Well, this felt typical. I've seen many poems that toyed around with this subject and falls into the part of the majority. It amused me, don't get me wrong, but it falls part of it. That's something that the writer can't prevent, so I don't blame you for that.
One quick nitpick:
The only nitpick I had, with being sure. This kind of irks me. Try saying it a few times aloud. It would be better is "down" instead of lower.
This was a pretty good work, for the first poem I've read from you (that I'm pretty sure of). It intrigued me, to be honest.
Overall, good job.
Strangelove gives you...
7.8/10
Good job,
Keep writing,
Stay groovy, my friend.
Nailed personification perfectly, how you describe betrayal is exactly how I would describe it. I love how you start with "the thing about betrayal" It caught my attention quickly, it actually made me smile a little.
He demands to be felt,
Caressing gently at first,
Such as a love struck couple,
You're damn right he wants to be felt! First his gentle then all of a sudden he just stabs you deeply with his blade. He steals everything from the innocence, it made me feel anger and torture as I read closer towards the end, it makes you loathe betrayal, and the people who are on betrayal's side. Witnessed betrayal first hand, it wasn't pretty, yet who hasn't in this chaotic world of ours? I only see one mistake so far and that is this line
He dose not care for beings he toys with,
I believe it was only a typo, which everyone does so don't worry your writing is still incredibly beautiful, dose i think you were actually going to write does, simple typo. Anyways everything just perfect especially your personification, and your metaphors. Just flawless thank you for sharing your poetry amongst us readers. And rock on!
Thanks bud.
SPLENDID!
You've created a poem with a perfect mix of personification and metaphors! Most people tend to overdo one or the other, or even both. And not to mention, the topic you’ve decided to write about it is almost perfectly described.
I would pick a “favorite line” but I simply cannot. It’s all wonderfully crafted.
I will also say that you truly represent the hurt you’re feeling. If you’re this good at representing your emotions through writing, you’ll do great! And if you’re not really feeling betrayed, then you do a great job sounding betrayed!
Love Love Love this piece! I hope to see more excellent works from you in the future.
Good Luck To You!