Loving Rap

I can't believe this doesn't have more likes! The rhyming is great, and the words I thought would be cheesy, but are actually heartfelt and original! Often times when people try to write raps, they turn out too short and bad because they're had to rhyme and sing fast at the same time with a repepetive rhythm. If I tried to rap this, it would probably be stuck in my head...hey now I'm actually going to try . This is really good. in the 3rd to last stanza, I would suggest instead of saying leave your hand off the trigger/for you are beautiful and smart/your my only one/you complete my heart like its 1+1; I would suggest trying to rhyme more; it's a bit inconsistent. you also say one/1 twice for two lines in a row, which can get repetetive, especially as that is something used often in many songs/lyrics/poems. I would suggest coming up with a line to rhyme with aside, following your previous stanzas, and instead of saying "you are beautiful and smart", try (something like): "leave your hand off the trigger/say goodbye to the gun/for you are the wave to my tide/you complete my heart like its 1+1. Hope my constructive criticism helped! I loved your rap so much, keep writing more!

I love the lyrics to this and I feel the sincerity and effort. However, I can't find the rhythm. Also if these are lyrics to a rap or song sometimes I notice you fall out of rhyme pattern. Also, some of the rhymes may be a little cliche and/or basic. No line stands out more than the others do also which I think this could use more "wow I really felt that" in it, if you know what I mean. I'm always interested in someone rapping about something more than them self so this interested me. Other than everything I stated I like it.

~Isa Moore

Here to review for you! *waves*

The first two lines may be a little cliche, but I like the unusual order in which you say it in.

"that your heart can't take much more of the thumping and a pound," - Now this is nice description here. It has emotion, and its beaten, but still alive, still thumping. All this comes out of that beautiful line for me.

"The boys running and hiding calling there shit" - maybe, if you want, use some commas

But "that's legit." - that line is legit

"So baby come over walk away from the ledge,
For you and I are two of a feather,
A smile as one is just as bright as the sun
And if you were to leave my sorrows would find me" - This all goes together as a lump kind of so I'll do it together. Maybe a comma after over. "walk away from the ledge" is powerful because it's like a beckoning, a pleading, that you will take them in and care, so they won't go to destruction, seeing as you are "two of a feather." Having fun together and bonding is as powerful as the light of the sun!? Awesome and then awwww, if that person left you wouldn't be complete. No fuel to light the sun. *sniffs* shhh, I'm...not crying....

The next stanza, just kind of - to me - serves as a simpler form of the previous stanza, so it is a little repetitious. I dunno, do what you will with that part. If you feel it is needed then stick with it.

"will always beats strong," - always beat strong, prob just a typo.

"strong oak tree" is a good metaphor

This is, I think, a regular kind of lovey feeling, and as a rap, I would love to hear it! I tried to read it like rap, but I'm not very good at that, so it just came to me more like poetry. But I think rap can be a lot like poetry anyway. This is really good, My favorite part was the whole second stanza! Keep making lyrics, you've got skill!

Hi! there fallenoutofgrace ..

I really find this sweet like when you sing it for the lady that you admire, she'll surely like it if not love it. Either way, that's something she'll remember throughout her life that, at some point, someone has composed a song for her.

I just have some suggestions:

Try as you might I won't leave you never.

For girl your not just some loner,

A smile as one is just as bright as the sun
And if you were to leave my sorrows would find me

Hahaha wow, I really liked how you approached this a different way! It was really fresh and creative.

Alright. Let me get reviewing.

You think that your alone.
crushed and down,

For you and I are two of a feather,

we'll carry each other across these seas