Heaven called down,
The lord appeared saying he is missing an
angel,
I asked what dose she looked like,
He smiled touching my
shoulder and luminous light blinds the world,
I see your ginger
hair like a meadow of wheat in the breeze,
I see your large green
eyes glowing in places the light of the heavens,
Your bare feet
feeling the clouds below you,
Your smile that always seem a mile
wide,
Flashing all across the skies,
But the best prize of
all,
Is your chivalrous heart,
Pulsating love and innocence
that is the miracle of you,
Your laughter like a sirens
call,
Wrapping my arms around your waist,
Swaying side to
side,
Listening to the beat of your heart,
Hell called
me up
Satan appeared saying he's missing a devil,
I asked what
she looked like,
With a savage grin he sent the world ablaze and I
saw you,
Not like a super model build but making my heart stings
pull,
Your black lipsticks and mini skirts,
Your smile raised
in your signature smirk,
The way you move,
The temptation of
your kiss,
Wisks me away with you,
I love all your
edges,
All your imperfections,
I love how your eyes blazing to
play,
Keeps my heart thumping day by day,
I looked to them
both,
My hand intertwined with yours,
I'm sorry but I have not
seen an angel,
With her light that makes everything right,
I
have not seen this devil,
That i love harder and harder
All
I see is my radiating love,
Who's not like those fake
models,
She's the real deal with beauty that glows from beneath
just skin,
Where her heart no matter how scarred still beats
strong,
Her kisses sending shivers every time we meet,
Where
the beat of her heart as I lay my head on her chest,
Like a
beautiful symphony,
The angel's miracle,
The devil's rebel
The
love of my life,
My amazing,
Wonderful,
love
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125,010 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Dude, if you have not already, you needa show this to her!! Cause holy shit. I really love how you had heaven and hell, it makes you and your piece unique, I've noticed alot of other writers write a love poem or something of that sort, and say he/she is from heaven. (with the exception of of course Elvis Presely) also the writing style shows youth, or in other words is easy to comprehend. This is just so beautiful, please show this to her (if you're in a romantic reelationship that is)
Thank you and I did show this to her sadly, she didn't think the same way I did when writing this.
Very good, even though I would advise giving some second thought to the spelling
. Definitely something worth reading, I can read in between the lines -- the genuine passion in these words, which seems to be one of the driving forces of your poem.
The intricate utilization of words really does work in your favour. It sends forth a flavour into the poetry which is easily recognized by the readers, furthermore when looked at as a whole it can be seen a piece of art.
Good work.
thanks, and i know grammar not my strong suit :3
Hello,
Aw, this is really good. It's like how everyone has an angel and devil side to them. I believe that, that is one reason why guys like about women. Also one reason why women like guys, because we all like the sweet and niceness, along with the bad side. I can't wait to read more from you.
Exactly!
This was beautiful. I love how you had both Heaven and Hell come, showing both sides of her. That was a very interesting part. There are only a few small things to fix.
"I asked what dose she looked like,"
You should write 'does'
"Not like a super model build but making my heart stings pull"
*strings
Also, I am not exactly sure what this line means. Also you might want to take out a couple of words to make it flow better.
And one more thing. I love your last line, but would this sound better?
"The girl of my dreams
My amazing,
My wonderful,
My love."
These are all suggestions, and you don't have to listen to anything I say. All in all, besides some minor corrections, this is a beautiful poem. Stellar job! I look forwards to new writing by you!
Thanks it hels alot
Holy flubernuggets with cherries on top!!! That was freaking beautiful!!! You could say this is what love is all about. Loving someone for all they are, it's obvious the you or should I say the narrator is head over heels in such a way that can never be broken. "She can be mischievous, but she is not a devil." "She can be so pure, but she is not an angel." The story of an everlasting love unbreakable by anything. I especially love the part that's says, "The angel's miracle, The devil's rebel." It's pretty simple yet it carries so much emotion. Though I have to ask, this whole poem you start your lines with capital letters, but when you get to the last line it's lower cased, was that done purposely? If so why? Like I said before this poem is beautiful, and so I'd love to read more of you work. I can't really say much regarding grammar, because mine can sometimes just be sad. Anyways keep calm and write on!!!!! =^_^=
that was a mishap I was typing over and editing and just went over it. but thank you all be sure to fix it
OMG. The description of all of this was amazing, truly amazing! I loved the word choice you used in it. Write more!!! *will follow after done reviewing this poem. Just a couple of grammar mistakes is all.
I asked what dose she looked like,
You mean "does", right?
The love of my life,
My amazing,
Wonderful,
love
Period at the end?
That i love harder and harder
Capitalize the "I", and I also wanted to point out that "harder and harder" sounds a little weird and might need some more revising. Perhaps this, "That I love more and more every day/when we look into each other's eyes.
Not like a super model build but making my heart stings pull,
Hmm. Revise? It sounds a little awkward. Maybe you could do this: "[She was] Nothing like a super-model, yet so unique in her own way, making my heart strings pull.
Bleh. I might've interrupted the flow by doing that. xD
That's actually quite brilliant Thank you