Young Writers Society

HELLO THERE
The title to this really caught my eye to this poem love the description and point of insanity lurking in the wings plus I think the ending to this poem was really thoughtful
" For Now you have been claimed,
Chosen,
To be the sons and daughters of madness,
Thy protectors of the innocence,
The protectors of the ugly lies,
Unfold upon you by the queen of sanity
For my dears insanity is the light, the knight in shining armor,
Keeping you safe from the darkness society tries to place in your hands,
Molding and folding you into her decided form,
Until one day you break,


The voices whisper the freedom we crave for,


Insanity is like a rushing river flowing across your entire essence"

loved reading that last bit please continue writing poetry would love to see more of your work

-joshua

Hi there, LGF here for a short review

Woah...

That was my first thought on that poem. I've written quite alot of poems actually along the subject lines of this, but none as detailed or descriptive. Your imagery is unbelievable and you really do have a gift for words. I loved how you had to think about the lines and what they really meant, and the imagery and simile's you used. Very original.


Some of the lines I felt like each time I read them I'd get a different meaning. They where vague but carried the whole dark and light aspects of insanity with them.

The meaning... Ah... It was a hard poem to decipher once you really got down to it. You used some beautiful imagery describing the darker aspects of it, and then it got lighter almost. I don't know, I found myself thinking that the voices and friends where just an illusion. Just my take on it.

Any way very interesting and engaging poem. Here are some of my favorite lines;

Murky black tentacles wrap around my throat,
Like barbed wires piercing my searing skin,

Their crazy theories, Oh the stories they tell
Would surly make a grown man yell!

and;

Their gleaming smiles pull me in
Their laughter ripples through my skin,

Anyway, that's it from me. Keep up the good work;

LGF

This is very interesting, I have to say. This poem shows so much details on the human psyche as it descends into madness. It's so descriptive and original like an Edgar Allen Poe story. The narrator's insanity is an example of it.

"Deeper and deeper into the realm of the lost-
The voices trickle through my mind
taking up most of my time,
Their crazy theories, Oh the stories they tell
Would surly make a grown man yell!"

This is my favorite part. It's an example of the mental disorder of Schizophrenia and how the illusions and delusions tend to take over. The fake voices would speak to you, telling you words of deceit and lies, wanting you to release your inner demons and harms those around you.

Well, that's all I have to say. This was a very good poem and I hope to see more of it. Kman134 is out!

I rate this as a 8. I love this piece. you used a lot of detail and description. It was very lovely.

This is absolutely stunning. I adore your work, and this is no exception. Your use of imagery is impeccable and it makes the reader feel as if they are in the poem.
Keep writing.

Well that was... insane. xD Noone? Ok. Well, anyways, i like your poem. its very detailed and descriptive. im not too good at writing poetry but it seems like you are. i like writing short storys. my cousin and i just finished writing a short story today. you should check it out when i publish it later! please and thank you! i rate your poem at a 9. oh and by the way, my short story i wrote, my cousin and i are either going to do a sequel to it or were going to turn it into a series. im dying to know what ideas we come up with for our next book! cant you tell im excited!!! haha

A good piece of work that can be read 10 times and seen differently in each reading. The whole dark/light theme is overcliched but I won't kill you for that. So insanity is somewhat of a savior now. This is a good, even a realistic way of looking at the matter. This is why many persons smoke weed and drink heavily and even write- they feel a temporary insanity, or a pseudo-reality that makes it easier to exist, to live even. When it comes on to poetry, nitpicking is really a touchy and difficult matter. Purple has meted out a few changes that you seemingly need to make, but in poetry, there are really no mistakes, as everything can server an interpretive purpose and add value to a piece. I once wrote an extensive essay on the value of a punctuation mark that many though were a typo. So yes, suggestions can be made, but first, one needs to try to understand why various things are how they are in a poem. At a glance, it might seem like their should be a period to end line 4, but the absence of a full stop showed me so much, gave me so much insight. Certainly little things like that can change the meanings of whole sentences and even stanzas, and eventually, poems.
Keep Writing!
Adam-Clay.

ooh that's nice I don't much see what the first part has to do with the rest.... but alas don't take that to heart because I am very bad at interpreting poetry. I like the fact that sanity is the evil one... she kind of reminds me of a fairy queen in a way. People picture fairies as being pretty little things and in reality they aim to rule, to manipulate. So I like the fact that insanity represents a freedom from the rigidness and normalcy of society.

your poetry is completely remarkable. I like all your descriptive words and how you make the scene seem reality. I love how you focus on just on what is happening. Keep writing these great poetries.

This is good. A light take on darkness. Such a contrast.

Hey there! Purple here to give you a review! Let's get started!
This is a beautifully dark poem in just the right amount. Just a few nitpicks.

"For these voices are my friends,
Keeping me safe until the ends of times,"

Did you mean end of time? To even rhyme with 'friends' you could say "Keeping me safe until time ends"? That might sound a bit better.

"Little ones as you close your eyes to slumber,"

What are the little ones in this statement? Make this clearer.

"Then he whispers softly goodnight,"

Change to "Goodnight", capitalized and with quotations since this is dialogue.

"Then why put of a fight?"

I think instead of 'of' you meant 'up'.

"For Now you have been claimed"

Don't capitalize 'now'

"For my dears insanity is the light, the knight in shining armor,"

Put a comma after dears.

"Keeping you safe from the darkness society tries to place in your hands,"

Change to "..darkness that society.."

Other than those changes, this is really good. Once everything is grammatically correct I'll love it even more. Keep up the good work and have a nice night!
~Purple

I enjoyed reading this poem, really.

But I keep thinking about what's the message behind this. Or is it just about madness? Because the lines really catch my curiosity, like in the first and second stanzas. I think this poem is about how someone gets pulled in to madness because of the world around him, well I'm still a bit confused.

I also liked the last line; "Insanity is like a rushing river flowing across your entire essence"
So the river washes away our essence and takes our identity or...?

I'm being a bit of a smart-ass here. And I hope I don't get it wrong.


-Venonymous

Wow. There was a lot of deep emotion flowing through this poem.

Well here's a quick review from my perspective. Just a few tweaks that you don't have to use, but in my opinion would improve.


"Murky black tentacles wrap around my throat,
Like barbed wires piercing my searing skin,
Pulling me under in it's cool embrace"
- in between piercing and my, I would add through or into.

"Deeper and deeper into the realm of the lost-"
- this line in some way confuses me. In what way is lost a realm? I wouldn't change that but maybe clarify.

"The voices trickle through my mind"
- I would say THEIR voices because earlier you constantly wrote their......


"Keeping me safe until the ends of times,"
- I'm assuming that you meant to write the end of time or the ends of time. I'm not sure that there is more than one "end of time."

"Insanity is like a rushing river flowing across your entire essence"
- this is the ending line and my favorite line. This is written so beautifully and the compassion is amazing.

Overall,
Amazing and incredible job. Loved what you talked about here and can't wait to see more from you!