My darling, I sense troubling times may manifest,
You may encounter those who wish to mislead you,
Keep you astray from the life you fulfill now,
And though I crave to reveal myself on your quest,
Know that you are never alone.
My darling, I have been with you in the shadows of the realm.
Since your first cherished moments on earth.
I have been the ears, listening to your endless plights,
The voice that echoes in your head,
The imprint nestled on your bed.
My darling, I have been the comforting hand,
To share your heart, that branished across my stone carved heart.
The pain you feel, mirrors my own.
The joy that envelops your glorious soul,
Brings me the greatest joy of all.
My darling, I am your companion.
I have frolicked and played with your childhood memories,
I have spend my days making sure your alright,
I have kept away the darkness that surrounds,
I have been apart of you eternally bound.
My daring, I have watched you grow up and succeed,
With pride filled eyes on one my children, those of the abandoned and weak.
You are one of the very few, who have caught me off guard.
I see you have reached the moment where I may reveal myself.
My name is Sirius, and I am your reaper.
My darling, it is time for us to depart,
I know your scared of what is next,
I promise you what awaits you is nothing but grace,
Your perfect world glistening and gleaming,
And a life where you may finally see me.
Follow me to the promise land my darling.
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Hello,
I really like this. It makes me think of my Mimi. My Mimi is my great grandmother. She was the one who raised me. She was my best friend. I hope to read more of your work. I want you to say thank you for the good memoirs it means a lot to me. It also reminds me of my great great grandpa.
Whoa! Nice poem you have here!
Ah well, I read poems aloud, and let's start with the technical errors, eh?
" And though I crave to reveal myself on your quest,
Know that you are never alone. "
I know that by this line you are actually meaning to say that "I" is hiding but cannot reveal himself, but since this is the beginning of your poetry, you should know that these two lines are quite sudden and can confuse the reader. Add something between them to describe that although "I" wants to reveal himself, he can't, so "you" should know "you" is not alone.
" I have spend my days making sure [your] alright, "
Replace that with "you're". Same thing applies for:
" I know [your] scared of what is next, "
Bear in mind that "your" is a possessive noun, whereas "you're" stands for "you are". Do not mix these two up.
" Follow me to the promise land my darling. "
Since this is the last line to your work, I should point out that it quite confused me and it lost its impact. Maybe if you changed "promise" to "promised", and inserted a comma between "land" and "my", it would be much better.
Nit-picks are done and over with. Now to my personal thoughts, yes?
Your work reminded me of the movie 'Maleficent', probably because it has that guardian aura to it.
Your poetry tells the story of how one tends to and cares for another through the shadows, and the family love the guardian has for the growing child is one similar to a mother's or father's. If you ask me, the love a parent has for a child is something pure and sacred, a love that cannot be defined in words, so it delivers that touching feeling.
I enjoyed your work a great deal. Your language is elegant. Your words are, I see, carefully chosen. The stanzas have a kind of old-styled theme to it. Read it aloud (just in case you haven't) and realize your work's beauty.
~Brunnera
thanks for the help
I love it!
hello there
I like the certain words you use in this poem, to start off. It flows nicely and freely, a bit free verse.
Your stanzas are well-clumped, yet I like that the last line stands alone.
Punctuation, capitalization, all that's fine and dandy, I believe.
Just one grammar error:
I have spend my days making sure your alright,
"you're" here instead of "your" (you are).
But....that's pretty much it! I guess I don't have a whole lot to say.
Nice job. Good content and all. You're quite the poet
~iron.n
thanks, glad you liked it