The world seems to spin around,
spinning,
and spinning,
I'm loosing my senses of everything my heart is racing,
I'm alive when your inside my heart, and my life.
But I know to your family I am nothing
But dirt,
They say that the flames can't go near the candle without bringing the house down?
but who am I to disagree for its a lie,
its the wolf hiding to keep us apart for all I know is that without you,
my life is dreary,
I spend my moments thinking that it was meant to be,
you and me its as simple as 1-2-3 or breathing,
we need each other to survive,
to thrive,
to love,
and to die.
I look at the one my parents frown and I cry a river thinking its unfair,
its not there choice who I love,
who I do not,
I think of Juliet and smile,
he is my romeo I am his Juliet,
He is song I his voice,
And so it is said.
So let us run.. run from the looks as we hold hand in hand.
eye to eye forever and a day waiting for the prayer to answer,
as we grow together over our miracle of a little boy,
and a little girl this is our story of our love throughout the lifetimes ,
It has opened and sent the fires of acceptance of you and me.
No longer looked down as I walk side by side with my partner
girl to girl boy to boy. nothing can stop our love anymore.
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139,527 Literary Works • 672,599 Reviews
Hello!
Augustus here for review!
So first of all, the poem was good.The way you capture this perfectly. Not just anybody can write about this, not without experiencing it. You illustrate it perfectly. I think this poem do have a really special place in your life. The poem has got a beautiful flow. But the line I really liked throughout the poem was:
"you and me its as simple as 1-2-3 or breathing"
you know this line is just so perfect and plays in full justice with the preceding line and that's why I liked it.
But one thing I want to suggest is that you should consider revising over the issue of breaking the lines appropriately. I felt like some of the lines were excessively long which were looking quite odd in this beautiful piece of work. But again that's me and its your poem!
Overall that was stellar piece of work and I would love to hear more from you!
Keep expressing yourself!
Goodbye and Good luck!
Thanks all be sure to change it right away
Hey guess what, this is the review that will get me my fourth star yay! Kat here to write a review for you and team Reviewlution on this lovely review day!
Oh my god thank you! This is how I feel with my boyfriend our parents JUST separate us and you captured the feeling perfectly. The feeling of not understanding, love for the other person, sadness at the way the family treats you, and the hope of one day being together and in love with no one to tell us otherwise. Mmmm this was a really satisfying read. The flow would seem like a nightmare at first glance but, and maybe it's just because I relate to your poem so fell, it seemed to have a nice rhythm and flow as easily as silk. This made me content and happy and I will share it with other people who I know will enjoy this. I like how it had a happy ending unlike the traditional Romeo and Juliet. But I loved this "you and me its as simple as 1-2-3 or breathing," That was beautiful and that's all you really need. I will read this again when love seems hard and remember my hope and determination. Thank you for such an amazing read and please do write more like this because it is so wonderful. Keep it up!
~Kat
Thanks
that awkward moment when you wish you could like something twice
lol
Awe! my hubby needs to see this! I feel the same way about him. I cant live without him. I like how you turned a love so lusting for their other partner to till the end, It says: "No longer looked down as I walk side by side with my partner
girl to girl boy to boy. nothing can stop our love anymore. " It was a message saying to homosexuals that it's also okay to love and feel as great as guy girl relationship.
Like my brother this message is meant for him and im glad there's authors out there who'd put a message out there, letting them know." i'm okay with you being in love too."
You are a sweet author, who I can tell who knows what love feels like. This was beautifully written and flowed like a river and you are an amazing author. Keep up with the love poems.
Thanks