Young Writers Society

hey I am umaima and I am going to give you a short review here

I really liked your piece and to t ell you the truth it was just amazing

I look forward to more of your works as you are really good. I must say that you have the talent so keep writing and do your best at it.

the Idea here is really grabbing and it is not usually seen so that made it well more captivating..

best of luck for your future works.

Hey Toe!

Shady here to make an attempt at a review.

Wow. I actually understood this poem. I'm slightly shocked-- the meaning of poems tend to go right over my head. So it's good that you were able to make me actually get your meaning-- that's hard to do. I applaud you.

That being said...Ew.

Your imagery is very...clear, to the point of being nasty. But, then again, I guess that's what you're going for if you write about the literal sense of being crucified. It's not a pretty way to die, so it makes sense that a poem about it be gross.

Your poem did a very good job of making me imagine everything you described.

Nerves replenish by stinging liquid that runs to my toes. Ropes seem to dangle from me and brush my knees

Well, here goes. I know what this is like, and the emotional connection I made with it made it very meaningful to me. It is disturbing, but I would agree with Saterdays... its very inspiring too.

Your descriptions are vivid, intensely visceral, and completely amazing... bolts of agony flashing across dying nerves, "drifts of wind skid across my back, I tightly smile", stinging liquid running to the toes. You put very spiritual/mental tortures into physical metaphors that connect very well with me.

I think the only line I would change is
"My mind erupts any thoughts to ease this torture,
But my heart pets its hopes and mumbles its useless." If you read it out loud you might see what I mean... it sounds wrong somehow. Mumbles its useless...what? And why the But? Its a bit confusing to me.

Overall, though, this a gritty, up-close-and-personal look at human suffering that ends with a feeling, not of doom, but of hope. (Atleast, thats what I got from it.)

I especially love the last line. It moves me like very few lines in poetry have for a while.

Wow! This is quite outstanding and very captivating. I enjoyed reading it and has also given life to some inner inspiration within myself. I thank you for that. I hope to read more sometime. Keep up the work my friend!

Hello there Toe! Dogs here with your review today. Okey dokey, I'm glad you're stepping outside of your usual writing zone to create a free verse style poem . I'm currently doing an Independent study on the works of Edgar Allan Poe, so I've been reading a lot of this torture style writing for the past couple of weeks, hopefully my notes will be somewhat helpful.

"One, two, third as I scream towards the sky,"

The "third" in this line really stood out to me in this line. Because you're writing in present tense with "one" and "two," but than switch it to past tense with "third." I think you should just keep with the pattern and say "three" instead, also put a period after "sky."

Now, it is interesting that you go into the picture of the sky in the midst of your torture. Most people when delivering torture don't do it outside for that reason, so the tortured doesn't have something to distract their mind. I think this would be more effective if you create an air of that there is no escape. Put a physical dark and grimy wall above the narrator. Make the conditions dirty and gloomy and grimy. It'll have a stronger 'creepy' effect on the reader

"After counting six, a mental sigh, I surrendered,"

I don't think you should surrender just yet, prolong the terrible scene that is happening to your character a little longer. Give us some more information about what's happening before you move into this bit.

Your imagery is excellent, but just needs a couple extra notes before you jump into your big points. Really minor things, on a final note your lines are a little longer than I'd like them to be sometimes. When you write in longer lines you run the risk of making it sound more like a prose piece rather than verse. Try either cutting down on some unnecessary words in your stanzas whenever you can or just perhaps cutting lines into two different lines wherever you see necessary.

All and all a good piece, nice writing you have here. I enjoy reading your poetry . Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh