Your Suicide Note.

Hey Little Author here


I really enjoyed this poem. I loved the short stanza's, thought where the coma's really necessary? It was a very deep topic, although you covered it's seriousness very well.


Signs of torture,
Signs of hate,
Signs of giving up

I loved the repetition here and it really just summed up the entire poem. Also at some points you lost the flow at some points. Over all I loved the poem!


Keep writing!

I'll say this is impressive work.
The stanzas are kept short, but explain themseleves well. That helps to not 'kill the interest'. I love the way nothing makes sense till you read the last sentence of each stanza, and then it's all a perfectly placed puzzle.

But you see, I think somewhere near the end of the ten stanzas - to be exact the sixth, it gets too long. Also, the sixth stanza loses the original flow. I think that maybe because in the last stanza you end with 'hanging of a rope' that it feels like it should end.
The seventh and eighth stanza also seem exaggerated, because the description in the first few stanzas were too amazing to beat.

The last two stanzas are great again, so don't cahnge that. That's a good end.

I don't know if this is helpful, but I'd be glad if it's of any assistance.

A very dark topic. Takes a person to be in quite a dark mood to write a poem such as this!

I like the imagery in this, the description of torturing and the unloving emotions from the parents to the bastard child. This poem really portrays a sense of desperation from the protagonists mind, and then validates those thoughts which is good.

What I will say is about capitals on words, they shouldn't be used after commas, even if it is a new line.

But otherwise a good poem! well done

-Skyy

Hey, Toe. Euph here to review your poem.
Let me just start off by saying that this was a very deep topic to choose to write about, and I applaud you for a job well done.
Pros: I love your structure. Each line was short, yet vivid enough to give you an idea. The topic itself is a very deep one, and I love the way that you wrapped it up perfectly into these tid-bits, instead of droning on about popping pills and razor blades on wrists.
Cons: The only small critique that I have for this poem is that the commas after each line is unnecessary. Also, you might want to add a stanza or two where you get more inside the mind of a suicidal person, and address how they feel like there are no other options, and mention their thought process. Just a small tip that might elongate the poem.
Overall, very nice job. With a few tweaks, this poem has truly great potential! Keep up the good work, kiddo. If you have any questions, feel free to either message me or post a comment upon my wall.
Sincerely yours,
Euph

Hello there.
I read your poem, and decided to review it, needless to say. I noticed you tried to make it rhyme, but it seems to me that, at least it apears to be so, that you tried a bit too hard, adding lines in places that they weren't needed simply because they rhymed. I liked the poem, it had a sad tone to it that really got your message accross. But when one tries to rhyme a poem, it is so that it sounds rhythmic and hypnotising to read. But you've neglected the whole same syllables rule, and your form is a little wierd. Also, the lines were very short. I thought you'd be able to include alot more descriptive language, some sensory imaging, just more content on a poem written about death.

I'd give it about a 7 out of 10.

Methrirr123