The Silent Grasp
His path has gone astray,
The Wolf's cries lost and faded.
She has nothing more to say.
Beneath the smiles of day
Winds blew whispers, jaded:
His path has gone astray
Trickled thoughts left at bay,
Left unsaid, stilled and shaded,
She has nothing more to say.
Seized by his reality, this grey!
Wails! Tears left his life abraded.
His path has gone astray.
Can I wait for him to find his way?
I stand alone, can never be traded.
She has nothing more to say.
Though the ruin and decay,
Love lives, hopes to be raided.
His path has gone astray,
She has nothing more to say.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,800 Reviews
Hello!
My first impression from reading that this must be a partner piece to a story that the author had written. Based on your other work, this appears to be a faulty observation. I believe it was the capitalization of 'Wolf' that triggered this assumption. Take it how you will.
If I were to guess what this poem is about, I would guess, perhaps, at love or friendship lost.
The rhyme scheme here is a refreshing break from both free-verse and forced ABAB, and I applaud that choice. I also like the repetition of the bottom lines in each verse, 'She has nothing more to say'. Symbolically, it is interesting that, despite the fact that she has nothing more to say, the poem goes on - she might not have anything to say, but she certainly has more to think.
The words chosen are mostly negatively charged and in the past tense, which makes them feel faded. The exceptions are the last verse and the final bookend line, which remains in present tense, which gives the impression of this work being on a memory.
The line 'can never be traded' feels forced. Normally I'd just ignore it because lines feeling forced in rhymed poetry is a staple of the genre, but the rest sounded natural enough for me to *want* that to not sound such.
Overall, this poem makes effective use of repetition to develop a feeling of sadness.
Beautiful depiction of love lost. It speaks of breaking up in such a poetic yet simultaneously "matter of fact" way. The beautiful and turbulent nature of love is described at the beginning of every stanza, before ending the stanza with "his path has gone astray" or "she has nothing more to say" as if to purposely follow the more nostalgic lines with dismay and hopelessness.
Great write! Look forward to seeing more of your work