Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
Rapist’s Last Wish
A stretched smile, sullen sockets,
Stood a calm man, hands in pockets.
Bulged crotch, he swayed in delight,
Yama, I will make you proud tonight.
A battered boy covered in crimson,
Open wounds, in silent pain they glisten.
Oh lord! Will this man be my demise?
Save me! For never again shall I defy!
Slow stride, such unnerving patience!
Endless tread yet a certain commence
to his pleasing ritual, to quench his lusts.
Struggle, muffled cries, violent thrusts.
Yama! I feel the heavens inside him!
I am proud of you, son, replied Grim.
Shocked in revelation, furious blows,
Then a pleasured pant and torn clothes.
Dripping groin and red smeared blood,
Stood the man but collapsed with a thud.
Oh Yama! Will this boy be my demise?
Take me! To your heaven above the skies.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,801 Reviews
Hello, InfiniteRectangles here with a review for you!
Well, this was quite disturbing (as the title suggests). You captured the dark nature of this subject really well. I really love that you seem to be well accustomed to literary devices. If used properly they can work wonders on a piece of literature, and they really did on your poem! Your use of alliteration, especially with the "s" sound, exemplified the sinister feelings of the rapist. I also really like how you separated the rapists thoughts with italics. It made the poem more organized and put emphasis on those things that needed emphasis.
Something that I noticed while reading this is that it is very structured, almost too much so. You could experiment with the format a little, and make it match the poem a little better. From this poem, I have gathered that this rapist's thoughts are not organized, as I'd imagine most aren't. You could have the lines and stanzas get less structured as the poem goes on to symbolize insanity or something, but that it just a suggestion. I think it is great like it is, but I just personally like when poets experiment with their styles. So that isn't something that necessarily needs changing, but it's just something I would do.
Anywho, that is all I have for you. You are a super talented writer and I am looking forward to reading more of your work! Keep writing and have a wonderful day/night!
Good point on the insanity vs structure, I need to look into that.
Hello!
What a poem?!dude!
Hats off..you already have seemed to acquired the level of poetry as Shakespeare and Wordsworth and Frost!
Still i would like to give you a review because i think this poem deserves one,though it deserves a good one but i will try my best!
Your poems pros'-
1)Alliteration in the very first line actually enchants the reader.
2)Use of italics in right places to emphasize.
3)The theme used is so unique in the history of poetry.
4)Vocabulary used is just awesome!
despite all this i have one suggestion that the scenario of your poem is not quite clear. Like there are two males one of them being a rapist and the other one victim(i suppose) and then something happens which is not clear. Not to me at least. So please explain me if i am too dumb for it and try to change it if you are too wise for it..
wishing to read more of unique stuff from you..
I lack the wit to make a review, but not a comment. I have never read anything like it.