Ever Thought of Life?

Nooot crazy about the list structure. If you want to go through with it, develop your ideas, give it a sense of rote and mantra, as if this is a list oft repeated for the narrator. Right now, rather than feeling like something that the narrator might dwell on quite a lot, it just feels repetitive to the reader. To be quite honest, the only line I liked was "Ever thought you were a suffix." The rest hold potential, yes, but they're executed quite poorly and the images themselves need work. Try to incorporate ideas that bring a sense of the seriousness of your topic. Diction is extremely important.

Lemme know if you have any questions.

That was a good start. I think you should really work more on this one. It's got feeling and emotion attached to it that leaves your audience hanging. Your format is cool though, I like the quick, blunt and yet descriptive and well developed sentences. It sets an appropriate mood, almost like one who is unsure and has scattered thinking. Keep working at it!

Hello there Buzz here to review!

Well what a uniquely wonderful poem you have here. I liked that you wrote it in a different way with bullet pointing the thoughts as if you're contemplating them at each moment and how the reader is also involved in the thought process. I also liked that it was philosophical at each stanza.

I haven't got many critics for this, but the ones I do have are very minor nit picks so don't take them too seriously.

I felt that each stanza was a whole different poem of it's own at times like a collage of short poems that could have been elaborated into fuller poems because, as each stanza was good, it wasn't very related to the other ones. But I understand they're thoughts, and thoughts aren't really ordered I guess.

"Ever thought,
You were a suffix,
Miserably glued,
To meaning, -less."

The last line should read, "Too meaningless".

"Ever thought,
Life was dead weight,
Holding you down,
From heaven’s gate?"

I loved this stanza most it was very thought provoking and interesting as your perspective of life is like an anchor that holds you down from heaven's gate which is lighter.

Overall a good poem, Hope I was of help to you. Definitely Keep writing!

-Buzz

Hey mongoose here,

Ive never read a poem like this before i must say. Its very to the point and sharp which is good in this intance as the meaning behind the poem in a sense contrasts the poems format. Your thoughts stretch out forever dont they? So "Ever thought..." is an invitation into the readers imagination almost, whereas the lines are brief and short lived.
Now this has been used well because the short lines are to the point like quick bursts of wonder. I like especially how you split it into fourn using "ever thought," repeatedly before each three line bursts.
Although ut was a really quick read, I really enjoyed this poem!

Thanks for posting:)