Deceit

Hello friend, wow, there are so many lovely haiku's on YWS! Even this older one from 2016, marvelous! I love them because they are simple to read, but packed with such deeper messages that allow me to really interpret in my own ways when I review.

Okay, to begin, I love the lowercase style you use, with the "i" right from the start. AND the semicolon. Personally, I am a massive fan of semicolons. You detail 'dust of deception' but also 'inhaling sighs' this makes me think that these actions have different causes or associated feelings. Perhaps you love someone, but hate them too. They use you, but you can see them for the tired and weary person they also are. Either way, love that!!

You did great with the 5-7-5 too Fantastic work on this piece of art. Always a pleasure! Keep on writing!

Your friend,
Ellie

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Well I'd like to first start out by saying that I don't normally review poetry but here I am because of the checklist challenge. As I normally do with poetry I'll just give my best interpretation and what I think is the effect you're going for, since I am not the best when it comes to the more technical side of things here.

So... analyzing this haiku here as it stands. It seems what we've got is someone perhaps expressing some form of sorrow about a person who perhaps stabbed them in the back in some fashion. There's a powerful enough image generated here that it seems like the sorrow is powerful enough to cause them to almost choke on their tears and feel it difficult to even breathe in the wake of it. I think that's a really powerful image that you manage to create and with something so simple and short.

I'd like to end this review off with one final thing here and that' s a little guide to what exactly might be defined as a haiku. Its a very helpful little article that tells you everything you could want to know.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Hi, dystopianmonkey!

One of the interesting things about this particular haiku (or senryu?) is the second line, where you talk about the dust of deception. The interesting bit is that it really isn't clear as to who is the deceiver. It could be the narrator, or it could be the person that the narrator is into. I can read it both ways, and each way gives the poem a slightly different flavor!

If I were to assume that the narrator is the deceiver, then it gives the image that the narrator has surrounded themselves with dust to the point where they are able to wear this dust as a mask. This brings forth imagery where the dust has congealed into clay, which can mean that this mask can morph into a variety of different of faces. But, since he's suffocating, that implies that the mask is taking over his face and covering his nose and mouth so he can't breathe. It's a powerful image!

Of course, it could always be the second person. If that's the case, this poem seems to show imagery of which the sighs of this person, the love interest, are cloudy with dust. Which is a fascinating image as well because it brings forth the smoky sort of film noir imagery in which the narrator is immersed in this smoky scene as this love interest sighs out dust.

Anyway, it was a very interesting poem! Thanks for posting it.

Hi,
I think it is called senryu.

I am sorry for not able to write a proper review, but this

How to (not) write a haiku

And this

work/carbonCore/I-Cant-Write-Haikus-121688#c539024

Both of them are the best pages from this site to learn how to really write a haiku.

Well, I know you don't want really want this kind of review, but it is important to clear up any misconceptions.

Keep writing!

~memo