Blue glows rest in the darkening forest,
buds of colour slowly changing from light to a soft flowing,
an ebbing of beauty, light to night;
beside swelled a lake,
telling stories of the stars across the surface,
holding another land of mysteries below; lapping,
of wavelets caressing the water’s edge creating the harmony to the symphony of colour,
the purple glow above the green darkened glow of the trees
and the soft glow our own imaginings wrote to the world
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140,104 Literary Works • 673,009 Reviews
Hi,
Happy last review day in 2016!
This poem is an interesting poem. I am a crazy stargazer myself that had looked up to the sky for more than 1 hour at night where the stars are rampaging the space. I love the metaphor here. It's beautiful and provoking. This really makes me thinking. The comparison between the cosmos and the forest is just interesting!
***
The whole idea of this poem is really interesting. Oh my gawd, I cannot find other words than interesting, so forgive me for my lacks of words.
The biggest mistake you made here is that you don't try to explain. You might don't need to explain this much to me, but how about other readers? Based on people around me, they don't even try to think. Don't mistake me, this poem has a very good idea, but this very own good idea isn't delivered good enough. I think your transition between each images are abrupt and sudden. Like they are in the same topic, but they aren't really relate to each other. I don't know how to explain this, but this thought is I think worth telling you.
And another thing I realize that you only capitalized the first word and left the others. I DON'T AGREE ABOUT THE PREVIOUS REVIEWS REGARDING THIS ISSUE. You can just let them not capitalized. I prefer not to cap things up when I write poems sometimes. Further references, you can look at the poetry resource in the YWS's forums. You can find a lot of helpful things there.
**
So that's all. Overall, just try to clarify things up. Make your images less complicated; however, try don't make them lose their artistic values. Try to consider what people think about your work, not only what you think, okay?
Keep writing.
~memo
Hey memo, thank you for your review. I know that the key to a good poem is explanation, through imagery, emotive language, extended vocabulary etc. I usually, actually almost always do that. With this one, it was more of a 'show and tell', I used so much imagery just to paint a picture of the northern lights, but not necessarily to dive in and dwell upon my own subjectivity.
But yeah I totally see where you are coming from with the imagery jumping too quickly, I'll work on it.
I'm glad you understand what I mean. You're welcome. ^_^
hi. this is kman134. i'm here to review.
i love this poem. it gives a human interpretation of the cosmos and shows the beauty of the stars.
the only problem is the capitalization and the endings.
Blue glows(,) rest in the darkening forest(.)
(B)uds of colour slowly changing from light to a soft flowing(.)
(A)n ebbing of beauty, light to night;
beside swelled a lake,
telling stories of the stars across the surface(.)
(H)olding another land of mysteries below; lapping,
of wavelets caressing the water’s edge(,) creating the harmony to the symphony of colour(.)
the purple glow above the green darkened glow of the trees(,)
and the soft glow our own imaginings wrote to the world(.)
All in all, this was a pretty good poem. i hope to read more.
Thanks
Hi Kman134, thank you for your review. Capitalisation always confuses me, something I have to work on. Thanks
Hello! This is literally my first review in at least six months, so I am so sorry if it is unhelpful! My skill is definately not in reviewing :p
Okie dokie, we'll go sentence to sentence (while I keep the cat from eating my guacamole lol)
Blue glows(,) rest in the darkening forest(.)
(B)uds of colour slowly changing from light to a soft flowing(.)
(A)n ebbing of beauty, light to night;
beside swelled a lake,
telling stories of the stars across the surface(.)
(H)olding another land of mysteries below; lapping,
of wavelets caressing the water’s edge(,) creating the harmony to the symphony of colour(.)
(T)he purple glow above the green darkened (silhouette) of the trees(,)
and the soft glow our own imaginings wrote to the world(.)
I love this poem! it really paints the picture for you.
Thanks for reading!
~God bless
Hey! Thank you! I do have trouble with capitalisation within poetry so thanks for this!
No prob
can you help me out by reviewing my story Scylla here is the link Scylla
Of course, if you could do the same?