in the skin of an angel

Hi,
And this is going to be my first debut review for this year, so I think it'll be a little rusty. Sorry in advance.

***

You lock the door
into your heart,
Where your galactic spirit
awaits to be explored.

I love the usage of such words like galactic or cosmos or oblivion in this poem. It just feels like I'm stargazing into your poem, but however, I really feel quite down with many blunt things in your poem that can be sharpened quite easily. For the note, let's see the first stanza. I like that you don't waste your words throughout the poem for each of them bring enough meanings on their own, but they are too--er, what we called it?--common. "You lock the door/into your heart," is indeed shown great meaning, but I just like getting the the first impression that this is not gonna be good poem because it's too cliche perhaps?

This poem has good insights, but the way you tell isn't provoking me to dig for the pearls. I like the way you describe "your spirit" as "galactic", really interesting but it doesn't conjure up much connection with locking the door or why the "galactic spirit awaits to be explored." I kinda understand what you're trying to tell, but vague. Give some more straight facts.

I speak,
and your thorns answer,
Unknowingly thrusting into
unhealed wounds of my soul.

The second stanza is a little bloody and rosy--you know what I mean--so I am getting the image that this poem is some kind of one-way love that the persona loves a girl? and when he tries to pluck this rose, the thorns get in the way? that the girl doesn't want him.

Haha, enough with the rose metaphor, but I don't think using "thorns answer" (that's a personification, I know) does anything--er, wonderful here. I just feel that it is coming out of blue (in a bad way) and doesn't contribute anymore than the meaning "I don't want to talk to you" in the poem. You blurt "galactic", suddenly, you're relating this to "botanic" stuff. If I'm you, I'll pick a constant word-choice that will make my poem seems more organized.

That's for the first two lines in the second stanza; now the last two lines, they trigger up something. It makes the poem has something behind it like behind-the-scenes-what's-really-happening? And you left the question unanswered till the end of the poem. What's wrong with this poem!? Why the soul of the persona already wounded and why the wounds unhealed? Don't mix things around.

I would love to love you
as you are,
but in the cosmos inside your head,
I am homeless and slaughtered.

I wouldn't love to love you as you are because I don't know who you are. Describe more on this special person. And how cosmos inside your head looks like?

Slaughtered is a bit... harsh.

So blind your eyes
with fluffy oblivion,
I will, and I shall love you,
in the skin of an angel.

Fluffy oblivion, sweet! What oblivion? and what?! why blinded?

Two last question, what is wrong with persona?! Why would he love someone that has thorns and space inside of the girl?

***

Keep writing, this poem has a lot of holes and can be fixed with continuous revision. ^_^

~Memo