~
print, copy, fax machine. scan, wait, jammed.
i’ve been waiting at the printer for nearly a decade. it says “sending data to printer. please wait.” ~ flutter, giggle, glance, look, caught! blush, smile. she danced with my angels, twirled with my demons and sang to me: The Hymn of the Delirious. ~ hold, position, down, slide! smooth, wait, dry. if this correction tape could’ve conceal my inhibitions, perhaps my agonising fidget would’ve settled to a soft sigh. ~ stare, lustful, lip-bite, smirk, walk. bed, love. the curves of your body i will read, like the morning sunrise on a winter’s night; you are my drug. ~ click, click, position, pressure. slide, smooth, cursive; beautiful. my ruler has been helping its foe draw parallel lines; they’ll never actually meet. ~ screams, footsteps, SLAP! crash, sob, slam, silence. i’ve been saying the same sentence for almost a decade, and it hasn’t stopped being true yet; nothing. is. erasable. ~
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140,707 Literary Works • 673,673 Reviews
Loved this piece! Almost gives me a poetry slam vibe! something i would expect from a spoken word artist perhaps? I would only recommend increased poetic techniques as a means of avoiding a dialogue type piece. I did enjoy reading! at first i thought it represented a dispirited life, with the noises resonating as nothing more than just that. noises. But towards the end i began to take note of what you were doing, very clever using strings of words to describe situations! i must say it was effective in presenting the essence of the circumstances at hand. i also liked the title! very clever. Keep writing! id like to read more of your work.
Thanks for your review! I'm not a slam poet, but now that you mentioned it, I do agree that this sounds great spoken! (it was meant to be a prose poem). I have a bit of a habit; either too many poetic techniques or too little; it's about finding that middle ground, but it's difficult to do!
This is the first time I've wrote something like this. Your feedback is much appreciated
Hello there. I hope to give a fair review.
I was first confused when I read the title of the poem. In the first stanza too I was unable to understand what the poem might be about. But as the poem progressed, I got how you phrased the poem. Even though the real summary comes at last, I personally liked the 'parallel lines' thing you used. It was also great how you said different things through different things but in the same rhythm and flow. The last lines were simple but the most powerful, and best of all was the last line. Great work! Hope it helped.
Thank you!
Thank you!
Welcome.