if these eyes could speak

by dystopianmonkey01

Published January 22, 2017

E - Everyone

In My Poetry

what a peculiar
     contradiction;
knowing
     she feels
the adrenaline
     behind terror,
yet she still,
     has such
a hard time
     falling in love.
Comments & reviews · 4
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LadyShadows
Review
LadyShadows wrote a review Review · Jan 24, 2017

A wild LadyShadows appears! Just in time for a review! :D
I loved this poem very much. It was very short but yet also very powerful. You said so much in so little words, and literature like this is amazing. It's always great seeing pieces that have a big punch in small words. Also, I like the formatting. I never seen anything like this. It's very unique and to me it gives the poem character and it makes the piece pop out and give the reader attention. Other than that, I don't have much to say. I think you did great on this! Keep writing :)

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tinmann Comment
tinmann commented Comment · Jan 24, 2017

This is awesome! So much is said in so little words.

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Virgil
Review
Virgil wrote a review Review · Jan 23, 2017

This is Nikayla here for a review!

So this is an interesting formatting for a piece. It lacks substance to review, and that in itself is part of the critique I have. I wanted more imagery and just in general, words in this poem because there's not a lot of them. That's not to say I won't dive right into the critique I have for this. It's a short poem that follows an odd structure with there being five stanzas (I feel weird calling them that because they're so short) with two lines each in them. We see that this girl the poem is telling about gets adrenaline from being in love, but at the same time, she fears it.

I like the contradiction you have to offer with this poem and I think some sort of metaphor to go along with it may end up lengthening the poem out but at the same time adding a sense of and giving us more than just emotion words like "adrenaline" and "terror". Emotion words don't equate to imagery, and nor should they act that way. They're at their core, telling emotions and how this girl feels to the reader.

Overall, the piece isn't really all that bad and I didn't have a whole lot to critique about it. It makes for an interesting poem and the theme is displayed in a simple way, but at the same time the reader is able to apply the poem to their self because of this and builds a connection between them and the poem. It's short and sweet and it works in that sense.

Keep writing and experimenting! I hope I helped and have a great day!

Thanks Nikayla, this was really helpful.
The reason the majority of my writings are so short is because, simply put, it's a real pain to read through 20 or so lines of rambling, to condense ideas into a short, concise yet meaningful poem really makes it a great poem(which yes I agree I didn't do too well here). I'm in a sort of phase where I'm trying to say a lot without saying very much, know what I mean?
Have a lovely day

Virgil replied · Jan 23, 2017

It does make a lot of sense and I think it works better in that way in this case! <3 I look forward to reading more of your poetry.

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Fabis101
Review
Fabis101 wrote a review Review · Jan 22, 2017

It is a peculiar but very enjoyable poem. I like its simplicity and how the stanzas are arranged. This poem is thought-provoking, making the reader look inside to question love. Loving a person is a terrifying experience, and one that many people dread. It really makes you wonder what holds this person back from loving. I for one, was able to really put myself in place of this "she" and question myself. Great job for making me think and great job for a well-written poem.



pain is that feeling when you are feeling hurt, but it never goes away leaving me hurt. oh it hurts.
— Dragonthorn