Haiku 24

Hey dystopianmonkey01, here for a Review Day review,

Positives:I love Haikus, and well, this is one of them. The sort of sensual, bot not promiscuous nature of this short piece is intriguing, but not to the point of being anything dirty, which is good, because I wouldn't like that. Here I can grasp onto the concept that the female form is something beautiful, but it's not taken to far.

i will read the curves

of your body, a story

oh how i miss you.

Hi,
It's interesting to see people experimenting on haiku and I like to write haiku myself, but I'm not quite good at this haiku thing.

**

A friend told me that haiku is made up of two things. I don't quite understand too what my friend was trying to tell me, but I think inside a haiku, it should be a result when two ideas mixed together. This is only my personal thought, so don't think much about it.

And the two thing are two concrete things. So, a haiku cannot be consisted of only abstracts thoughts and feelings and I think there is a name for some kind of haiku like that, but I don't quite remember, sorry I left this format for a quite long time. I think there is one in the poetry resource in the YWS forums. So if you want more accurate thing about haiku, you can refer there.

So, I like the usage of un-capitalized words here. It has a quite big impact as this is a short poem after all, so un-cap words here are totally obvious and powerful.

My thought about this poem is that the person in the poem is reminiscing someone that isn't there anymore by their side, so the person keeps imagining the body of the person they missed to reduce the "i miss you" feelings.

Although that is not my first thought anyway. I firstly thought that the person there is trying to read a real person that's within the person's sight and missed the way the was like different thing inside, but the same thing outside.

**

I can't say much about this because I think I would be providing you something wrong, so I stop here. But I definitely think that this isn't a real haiku. I think you're missing the format of haiku here. Well, keep practicing making haiku.

Keep writing!

~memo

So...so sad. I hope you have a Merry Christmas!

Hey, good evening! My name is Gummy, and I'm here to review this Haiku of yours. This review is going to be a bit shorter on purpose, since Haikus are only 17 syllables long. As a result, I chose to sacrifice some of my points in exchange for a more concise and to-the-point review. With that said, let's get right to it!

When I first read the first line, the first thing that came to my mind was the idea of fortune-teling... "reading someone's palm," so to speak. However, after re-reading the piece with a level of concentration that should not be expected from anyone reading a Haiku, I concluded (read: overanalyzed) that this person's memories of their loved one have been engraved or printed into his/her mind like text on a book. This analysis comes from the reference to a "story" in the second line.

The fact that the speaker mentions his/her loved one's curves denotes sexual attraction, which, in turn, supports the longing that he/she feels for them.

...That was way more in-depth than what I expected. I apologize! In conclusion, this Haiku is surprisingly deep and throught-provoking. Definitely one of the best I've read of this kind. Congrats, you did well. I'd definitely read more like this.

With that said, I'll say my good-byes for now. Happy Writing!

Happy Holidays,
Gummy~

This is Kaos here for a rather short review for a rather short poem.

So I didn't hate this haiku and thought it had potential with the first line. Of course, haikus are a little hard to fit a single thought into, and I thought that showed hear. I wanted to have an ending that was more than just talking about how the speaker misses this person. You have the image of reading curves of a body and I think you can instead use that to your advantage and expand on that image and use it as the poem.

After the comma in the second line is where I felt wasted potential with the poem and I think that instead of wasting that last line you can use the first image that you establish to your advantage all while incorporating the same emotion into that. I've always gravitated towards poems that happen to focus on things like bodies being like maps or reading lines and curves of bodies and everything of that sort. I also think that the ending could take another turn where the person whom the poem is addressed to is a story that the speaker misses reading.

The last thing that I wanted to touch on was the title of the poem. It's something that interested me and I wanted to know what inspired it. Is it just because of it being near the 24th? Is there more to it? That's the most I really had to say about this, so I hope I helped and have a great day!