the sun sets in spetacular colours bursting forth in torrential light, as
scattered thoughts flit past the hollowed spaces the eyes should occupy,
they dance in the broken light
and limp with sullen remorse as they fade into the melodramatic hue
of dusk
so find me in my darkest hour,
when time has fallen, like the sun
and evil flowers rip sanity from the walls of virescent stems that
shake frightfully in a dank maze;
it is always cold here.
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140,707 Literary Works • 673,673 Reviews
Hey there! Shey here for a review!
I really enjoyed this piece of poetry. It deals with the darker parts of life, but it's deep, so I found it enjoyable. It can be difficult for a poem to be dark and enthralling, so good job there.
My only comment is that you should experiment more with formatting. NEVER GO OVERBOARD, because you don't want it taking away from the plot. But you could try doing other things with spacers and line breaks. It might seem minor, but it goes a long way. (I see you've written other poetry, and you may have done it there, haven't checked, but I'm telling you this anyway.)
Overall, great job! Keep up the great work, and I look forward to seeing more from you!
-Shey
Hey there... Firstly, it was too good a read. Although it deals with the more negative feelings of life, It is relatable which I think, should the foremost concern in poetry. You have maintained an ample amount of universality in the poem while describing your personal thoughts. Secondly, the use of metaphors is quite impressive. Thirdly, words could have been a bit more apt but overall I feel you have done a phenomenal job here.
Thanks Sharon
Thanks Sharon