Too young the love, too curious the ignorance, my eyes follow the glimmer in your hair as your little footsteps paint the halls pastel rainbow. Never mind the sweetness in your name; I search the meaning of the silence behind your loudness and find hints of nectar in the smiles you send in your midday hello and twilight goodbye for me and no one else. My heart is inside a wall and so is yours, but take my hand, if you would, and I’ll take a leap of faith to call this love.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
This had very beautiful imagery! I loved reading it right off the bat and it made me think of first love, of course it does mention being young so that's a helper with that interpretation, and it seems very brief and sweet. I love the pastel rainbows part, I've always associated pastel with bright candies. I was going to mention the stanza thing but someone already has; nice writing
hi. this is kman134. i'm here to review.
first off, this was pretty good.
the poem was written with good detail that it was just like being inside candy. it gave me a toothache when i finished reading it.
the imagery was ecstatic and breathtaking. the emotional appeal was very well-written to add depth.
the symbolisms and the metaphors were precise, feeling the message you were speaking out to the audience. however, i felt it was too long and needed to be spaced into stanzas. though that's just me.
anyway, it was pretty good. i hop you keep reading.
Thank you for your review. I'll definitely take the the idea of stanzas into account.
Hi there dystopianmonkey! Niteowl here to review this sweet poem.
For starters, I loved the last sentence. I feel like it's a bit cliche, but in the context of the rest of the poem, it works quite nicely.
The wording here seems a little off. Maybe "paint the halls with a pastel rainbow" would work better. Also, this statement seems to contradict the next sentence. Here, the subject is spreading their sweetness all over the halls, while in the next one, their sweetness is something only the speaker can see.
The second sentence is my least favorite. I feel like it goes on too long and crams too many ideas into one sentence. Personally, I would get rid of "the silence behind your loudness". It doesn't fit the theme and it's a well-worn contradiction.
Overall, this is a lovely piece. Good job, welcome to YWS, and keep writing!
Thank youuu
A very short, sweet, and to the point poem. Like many works of Poetry, there are some opposites. This well describes first love, albeit first love is rarely successful. Overall, this is a good poem.
Thanks!