Was it just a coincidence or You did make this world?
If it was all by chance, then who taught the manners to man?
What kind of life and afterlife is this?
It's compulsory to die here and compulsory to live there.
I am given a chance to speak and complain,
So I come forward to complain to You.
We lived in Your world and thanked You,
Even dying wasn't hard for us too.
We bear most the pain and suffered,
But even that didn't change our behavior.
The purpose of our lives was to glorify Your name.
Declaring Your oneness was not felt a shame;
Telling the world all that wasn't a game.
But why'd You care about a piece of clay?
We gave up our pride and remained humble,
We gave up everything you said without question.
Do You not even see all this
Or are You just ignoring our efforts?
Should have their coffers treasure filled,
Is not the burden of our sight;
But they are those whom You didn't like.
Showered Your blessings on those
Who don't even have Your thoughts!
To them fall the best of the world,
And we are given just a promise of all?
Yet You complain that we lack fealty.
If we lack fealty, then You lack generosity!
Our faith on You does no help at all
Why are we left like stupids alone?
You kept changing your love between us and them,
This shouldn't be said but You are unfaithful as well.
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Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hi there,
I really liked the concept and well starting of this poem a lot. You've asked many questions and the way you showed your curiosity in them is great. Once in a while every single human goes through this phase and the way you put these thoughts aloud is really apt. This poem contain blend of anger and frustration and you've pass through it very well because its like I can feel myself questioning them. But one thing I realized while reading is that, most of the answers of your questions are in this poem it self maybe not everyone will agree with me but yeah when you'll read it few times you'll find it yourself. In the end this poem is AMAZING! Keep writing, thanks.
Thank you so much. I am glad you liked it
Marvellous work, Donny.
This piece is great, and really makes you think. I honestly have very few things to suggest, and I really don't believe I should be suggesting anything at all (but I can't help myself).
I just noticed that you have been capitalising 'you' throughout, clearly because the narrator is talking to God, but didn't in these two lines. Sorry for the nit picking!
And my favorite line is... All of them.
Hope you post more poetry soon!
-Falcy
Thanks a lot for the review. And thanks for telling that. I really missed track of the capital "Y" there. Well, even complaining to God, I still have to be nice. XD
Thought provoking poem! Liked it very much :- )
Thank you so much, sir. I am glad you liked it.
Hiii...It's me again...(Of course I don't have to write 'Remember me?' and stuff cause you do remember me)
This poem was awesome...and so much I like the topic(It's somehow the lines of my mind)...
As It's a review and I do have to find out something then I'll say thatin my opinion the word Coincidence sounds a little bit off...instead you can use 'Miracle' or 'Accident'. In spite of it the rest of this sentence is quite good and thoughtful.
Was my most fav line of this poem. I know that it's a known thing so there was no need to write it...but this poem shows(and proves)that there is. It's not the meaning of the sentence I like, it's the structure and the way you wrote it.
It's the thing of which I give writer the most of the credit...
I read-mark the word behavior again...this time it's not that it sounds off...it sounds really good but after reading this a thought came in my head with a line...
WANNA KNOW???...
Well how about this:
But even that didn't change our too human hearts
Just ignore it(As you would) if you don't like it...(It's just my way of thinking)
I should stop here I guess as I'm just going through without any useful thing...
But I couldn't stop meself(Oh I like this word 'meself') quoting this...
Amazing...if you keep writing like this...no doubt you'd be one of the great writers in the world one day...
So stay light...and enjoy your day...
From an unknown writer's unknown feelings...
~Urbariazi(or what you call me)
Thanks a lot for the review. Glad you liked it.