Oh God, how do I understand Your unfathomable ways?
I am yearning for the One whom I cannot even forsake.
I am searching for the One whom I cannot even find.
Oh God, You are invisible.
And it is futile to search for invisible things!
But what am I to do now?
The invisible is omnipresent.
Oh God, You are found everywhere.
But You are still invisible.
Oh God, how do I understand Your unfathomable ways?
Your glory is everywhere,
Wherever I look, I find You.
Beloved, I have seen you everywhere.
Obvious here, concealed there.
At times human, at times divine.
At times possible, at times certain.
Destructible here, eternal there.
A prince here, a pauper there.
Love here, yearning for love there.
Sound of truth and also of lies.
A flowing river and a shore.
In the places of worship.
In the tragic tales of legendary lovers.
And in the splendor of martyrdom.
Oh God, if You are everything - then may I ask?
If You reside in a settlement, then who's in wilderness?
If You are in the flame, then who's in the moth?
If You are the cup-bearer, then who's in the cup?
And if you are found in the Church, then who's in the Mosque?
Oh God, how do I understand Your unfathomable ways?
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
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You rock buddy! I am planning to read all your works. Every work of yours is engaging and thoughtful! Well done!
Hello there!
The unknown and the divine are certainly interesting to ponder, aren't they? I appreciate some of your images in the middle, but I really like your questions at the end.
However, you don't answer them. You ask the reader, but what I want is an answer that is an answer and also not an answer to the questions. I think that you have a stronger concept in those questions than you do in the whole poem.
The understanding of a deity has been the subject of numerous poems. It's overdone, and to be honest, too general. This poem doesn't have any time to delve into anything. It just floats on the surface and barely begins to scratch it. In the future, I suggest narrowing your subject before you start writing.
Another thing that narrowing the subject is going to help is detail. When you say
I want to see that glory. You do have a few images, but they're simple and they don't get into any detail at all. If you narrow the subject, you can find more vivid images that stick with the reader long after they've read it, causing them to think about divine beings and all that jazz.
I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy YWSing!
Don! Hey, congrats on getting in the Literary Spotlight! I meant to say that yesterday when we were talking.
Thank you so much. You are the first person to congratulate me. :p
Haha, you're welcome!
Reviewing this as requested and I have to admit it is pretty rough.
You have very long lines that don't say alot and don't give alot of emotion. Just a tip on repetition - if you are going to do it then do it for something powerful - I am searching or yearning is not powerful-it is wordy and you say something rather wordy multiple times. That's why you take 30 words to explain an abstract concept- in poetry according to many people that is unacceptable. This poem is not jam packed with emotion and images - it is put together pretty sloppily. Also, this is not attention-grabbing, at the start of a poem you should be exciting us drastically and perhaps changing our stance on something. You are not - people who believe in a God will agree with the stance because they naturally do and those who don't naturally won't- in the end you change absolutely nothing about how we feel about the subject. I'm sorry but that is just how it is. Right now, I am uninterested.
You went from wordy to completely obvious. You shouldn't be pointing out obvious things- we already know, and you need to cut it because they are wasted words.
What a strange and weird concept - use it! It's lovely. Except cut everything else and make this the start - that way when you expand there is something to take home and we will naturally be tied to the next lines/sentences.
Again with the repetition - it is not emotionally impactful and not really something that needs to be said again, it was obvious the first time. This is rambling- we don't like it when you waste our time by belittling us with simple concepts. If you look around at all of the other usages of repetition in good poetry - you can tell there is a better meaning for it. Either it's for a rhyme, rythm or it's to explain an emotionally driven concept- not this. This will fall flat every time.
I'm going to put this into the good category - it defiantly expands on that point of omnipresent and that's this whole poem in a box. I really would suggest that this be line 2 and 3, and perhaps you could get rid of that initial line I said before. The point is whatever you are trying to get across - do it in the most impactful shortest way possible.
You get into this rhythm here- I wish you would carry it through the whole poem and be consistent or not do it at all. I think to me- it seems to much like a list and to say it's impactful would be over-admiring it- to me it's filling up lines. You should find an original concept or image. Go into depth in one image and try to zoom in on it instead of touching all of these concepts that have been iterated in the past already.
I actually don't know what to think about it - I mean certainly you must be explaining how people can't comprehend the concept of omnipresent, but at the same time you answered your question with its definition- so I am not amused.
This is really good! I only have semantic tips, except one thematic thing. The thematic thing is that I'd like the question part at the end to be longer or more developed, because that's the part that really interested me. It's your choice of course, but if you revise this I'd love to hear the questioning really played up more, because it makes me wonder myself about the unfathomable nature of God.
Semantically, I think a few words could be changed to make it sound a little smoother, but it's up to you if you want to make the changes or not.
Firstly, "forsaken" is heard a lot more the other way around, because it's usually the one with the power who does the forsaking, so either you mean something more along the lines of "turn away from", or you need to elaborate a little more how you would forsake God.
Additionally, "Full of love here, yearning for love there" sounds a little more consistent to me, but it's not wrong the way it is.
Anyway, good job on this, I hope you keep writing because this was very well done! PM me if you want anything else reviewed!
Beautiful.
(That's all I have to say)
Magnificent!Superb! I love this poem! Tricky topic, a topic that deals with something that affects each and every one of us. You just did an awesome job to bring that out.
"Obvious here, concealed there.
At times human, at times divine.
At times possible, at times certain".
This is so true.
"Love here, yearning for love there.
Sound of truth, and also of lies".
I agree.
And the question part, superb work.
"Oh God, how do I understand Your unfathomable ways?"
Hmmm...
That's your best poem!
This is magnificent. I hope you know how marvelous it is. You have tapped into a very basic human yearning; the search to understand whatever higher power there is. I'm guessing by your terminology that you have read the works of the great sufi mystics ( Rumi, Hafiz, Rabia, Kabir, etc. ) ? If not, you definitely should. They are all about the omnipresent elusive God and the personal nature of the journey to discover it. The Beloved is a big thing for them. If you have read them, read more! They only get better and better. In many ways, those poems may help even more than a religious document. But that aside, there are some wonderful things going on here. The lists you create out of the dichotomy of the divine are not only lyrically pleasing, but immensely imagistic and provocative. It's like Whitman and Hafiz all rolled into one. The parallel of Destructible and Eternal, possible and certain, Love and the Yearning for Love, are all fundamental to the question of a God: If God is everything, why are some things so fleeting? ( This poem also reminds me of a Monsters Of Folk song called 'Dear God: Sincerely M.O.F.' - imploring God to remove the doubt of God or at least shed some light on the mysteries presented by that idea. The doubt and hope are immense. ) I love the line ' Oh God, if You are everything - then may I ask? ' and the following stanza. There's an energy, an innocence, a truth to those lines, which I think get to the core of what the poem is trying to say: There are so many questions and I want you to answer them! My Main critique would be the refrain ( 'Oh God, how do I understand your unfathomable ways?' ) and the title. Basically,i feel like they are over simplified summaries of what the poem is saying anyway. Saying it once is allright, at the beginning, but as the poem moves on, you are basically voicing this same sentiment with new words and fresh ideas. The ore times you say it, the more stale it gets.You don't understand God's unfathomable ways, and by the end of the poem I can tell that you are trying. Calling it out one more time seems unnecessary. I could see the last line being another observation on the nature of God, but bringing it back to the speaker. I think that would be a very good way to end the poem in a more reflective, natural way. The tricky thing with this type of poem is knowing when enough is enough, and you've got a nigh perfect balance here. Marvellous use of free verse, and marvelous use of format. Keep on Keepin' On!
Oh, wow!
Well, if you're looking to understand God just - uh - open the Qur'an, Bible, Torah, or whatever holy scripture you wish to endeavor into and -uh, well - read.
I jokes, good poem though!
I am glad you liked it
I wrote it because I really had this idea in my head and every idea, in my head, becomes a poem. lol
P.S. Working on three Holy scriptures at the moment