What did it take to stay right here?
A bit of pain and some betrayals.
The beauty of this world kept attracting me
But the fakeness in it kept disturbing me!
I craved for love from the people here,
All I got was a bunch of hate everywhere.
My friends stabbed me in the back.
Why do I complain to my enemies?
I was left by loved ones when most needed.
Why do I expect a stranger to stay around?
How many names do I write on here?
Almost everyone tried to kill me!
I was not lacking of friends nor of enemies,
But they were alike, which is why I died.
It was a great time living here.
I now feel like leaving from here.
I am now scared of lights.
Darkness is what I need for life.
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Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hello Tuesday here for a review. i like to begin that this poem could somewhat relate to people who read this since we all have friends who stab us in the backs with lies that they tell to someone else and then we can never trust them since if we do, they might go around and telling them your secrets. Also i enjoyed the little rhymes you had throughout the poem that kinda gave itself a rhythm plus the tone of this could be wanting to run away from the pain that everyone creates onto your shoulders.
I would change this to I had always lacked of finding friends yet never enemies [b] or something similar since it seems a little broken bit by bit or rather hard to understand (to me that is).Nitpick(s):
i would like to begin that the idea of this poem is not touchable to the mind. I mean, the reader can't grasp at what you are writing. I would suggest adding more of an adjectives to this to make it pop at the reader who would read this and instead of telling them how you might feel or something.
i would suggest changing -do to -did since it would seem that this poem is in the past and would add a dramatic effect on the poem to when the readers might read it. Might also give an off beat to the whole stanza when being read as well.
i feel like you should change this stanza since you repeated here. [b] Feels like I am waving good-bye or something similar or you could keep it there and change -here to something similar to it
i would also suggest changing this stanza to The darkness is what i crave to live since this stanza seems a little vague and needs so pop to what you have wrote also can give the read wanting more to what you have wrote (like suspense).
this stanza kinda confused me yet at the same I knew it. To make more a sense, i would suggest changing most of it to They were both the same to which I died since that would make more sense to what you wrote.
I would suggest one thing in this stanza and that would be to change -did to -does.
Overall, I would say that this poem is like a rough draft in the process of needing help (in a good) way. I enjoyed the tone and the message you were putting onto the table and as i read i wondered, that i do have friends who are ruining my life and are backstabbers and i would say most of us people do. And they could be the closest of friends, and you don't even realize it.
Farewell,
Tuesday
it may seem weird and is completely ridiculous, but i feel like making that sound lore like cooking instructions could do now wrong there....
reword or something. maybe all i got was a bunch of hate from everyone?
I really like this poem, the wording could be improved... my first suggestion could be terrible for that though. Nice direction with it, and good idea
Hello!
Is this a Star Wars reference? If so, you need some more clues that it is.
To be honest, I'm not really picking up what you're putting down. It's not really all that poetic-- to me it seemed more like prose with all identical sentence structure broken up to look like a poem. Perhaps vary the length and structure of your sentences so it isn't as monotonous to read.
As for the subject, you need more context. It's all very vague and isolated from imagery, and there's really no place that the reader can see into the individual narrator's life and comprehend what they are going through. Add specific examples of betrayal, rather than just tell us about it.
Good work on the juxtaposition, though. I haven't read a poem with juxtaposition in a long time.
I hope this review proves useful to you! Happy YWSing!
Heyyy..
Loved this sooo much, like the poet is actually connecting to it. Something all budding poets need to do in today's world.
Okay, I loved this poem, mainly because it describes what almost all of us go through. The topic you chose wasn't so different, but the way you wrote it was quite interesting. I like plain stuff at times, and yours was one of them.
No grammatical or language issues. No flaws actually.
Cool work.
Keep writing and stay blessed.
xoxo
If this was a personal poem, like it connects to you, I would help you to solve your problem. I felt there is sadness in this poem. Like you are having a problem in your life. I can relate to this poem to be honest. I, once, had a problem in the past. Mostly my high school life. Everything that says in the poem, I had it all. It was painful for me to bear because at first I had a perfect when life I was young then all the sudden I grew up having a miserable life. Everything it started in my first year of high school. I thought of killing myself but my other half wouldn't let me so I'm save. They say that people are happy are the sad ones, and I'm one of them
But I have move on with my past already! And I hope you too 
just asking! Great poem! 
(Sorry I'm telling my story to you)
Everything in this poem. I like it. Its sad and very painful when I read it. I wonder if you are into writing dark poems
I would say a lovely sad story.
I think its wonderful
Oops sorry about the long gap