Permanent Sleep

For some reason I feel like this is about a transgender teen suicide letter to his/her parents? I'm probably completely off mark though xD

This is sad. I like it!

Short and sweet, but so hard hitting. Its poems like this that really make me excited about writing, and other writers. It doesn't have to have a lot of detail, and big words to mean something deep to someone. I don't know your story behind, and I'm not going to begin to try. But it affected me in a personal way, and I applaud you for that. We write to strike emotions in people. We create stories that change perspectives. Great job! I cannot wait to see more from you.

Deep, yet amazingly beautiful.

Something about this poem just sucked me to it. I loved it. It was so simple yet told me so so much. I can feel exactly what the poet is feeling through these few words and I feel a lot of emotion within it. A dark yet brilliant poem, I hope to read more from you!

-plathonstone

Something about this poem just sucked me to it. I loved it. It was so simple yet told me so so much. I can feel exactly what the poet is feeling through these few words and I feel a lot of emotion within it. A dark yet brilliant poem, I hope to read more from you!

-plathonstone

It’s a dark and depressing poem, obviously about death, and it follows the story of a person who feels they are not needed or wanted. Their beliefs are so strong that they think they’ll remain insignificant to others even after their death, when that might not be the case. I’ll be honest. I didn’t know what a Tetractys poem was until I searched it up, and I’ve got to say. It’s not easy to write it (at least for me). So, well done! I commend your efforts.

To improve your poem further, you should put in punctuation in the appropriate places. That’ll slow down the pace. Unless, of course, you’re trying to achieve a particular effect, like a person could be mumbling it quickly in their last breaths. Moreover, I felt that the “frighten away” part didn’t fit in. What were you trying to say there? Perhaps, you should use something else? Lastly, hats off to you for trying something new.

Keep writing!

Hey hey!

First off, I'm so happy to see that you are well enough to start doing more activity on this sight. I loved everything about this poem. Everything from the title to the last word. You have made a masterpiece with so much meaning.

I really like the fact that while this is about death, you looked at it a little different way. In some way I think that you are saying to the ones you love, "do not mourn for me, I am gone now and while hard to accept you must." I think that whole this message is super sad, I think it is true. You can't have a lovely life if you revolve it around that of which you lost.

As of punctuation... Nothing. You have made a really great poem! I absolutely loved this poem and I think that a lot of others will too. I can't wait to talk to you about this poem more soon! Come back soon, because I miss ya!

Anyways, great poem! You did sucha great job! Over the year (even though I was gone for half of it) I have seen you grow I writing so much! You are such a amazing writer with so much more potential and legitimate talent! See ya soon

Stay classy and write on.

Annaclare