Even when I am dead

Hey there Kat here you review for you. Gotta say I loved the first two lines . But despite being super romantic it also felt a little creepy...maybe that's just me ? One negative thing is you sort of loose your flow towards the end and the two stanzas from the last stanza ...both lines end in the same word and I'm not sure if you meant to do that or not? otherwise, a really short and sweet poem you have here and I couldn't agree more, when you really love someone one lifetime of love could never truly be enough

Keep it up
~Kat

Hello there~

First of all, the length of the poem is good. In my opinion, the thing you're trying to convey, boundless love that is, is expressed well in this poem. On the other hand, what I didn't like as much was the fact that, apart from stating the boundless love, I didn't really feel why or how you love this person. At first, that is. After reading it a few times I felt that might have been the point, that this poem itself might just be a genuine statement about caring for someone else.

I think I enjoyed this more than I care to admit. Enjoyable and simple. Good job.

sup bro!
I haven't read any other reviews yet so I apologize if I'm repeating any suggestions...

" In this life, everyone loves someone.
But I will love you even when I am dead! "

I see you begin the poem with a pretty straight-forward statement. Sometimes, obvious things need to be stated in poetry. But it has to be executed well. I feel you could word this a little differently so it's more pleasing to the ear. A way of saying 'love is everywhere' or 'everyone's heart will be taken at one point'. Without sounding cliche.
See, I can't do it either! xD
And in this second line, I have two things:
a) I was a little confused at first why you starting by saying "But", until I reread it a few times and realized what you were contradicting. Although love lasts during a living life, it endures past the other side as well. If you can, maybe clear this up. Idk maybe I'm just being really stupid today.
b) I don't really see a need for an exclamation mark. The only times I really like exclamation points in poetry is in a satire poem or when describing utter agony. Think old-timey English, like Shakespeare.
O! but alas- my heart yearns
and blah blah blah
xD you know? I just don't see it as very fitting, especially in the second line already.

" Ever since I have met you, I felt that
This life is too short for love. "

Starting to get more interesting here. But why does this person make you feel this way? A little meat to that might be nice and make it more meaningful for the readers.

" I have devoted even my last breath to you.
I will die for you, so much I love you. "

I LOVE this first line!
But I'd like to see the context of the second line flipped.
"I love you so much I will die for you"
And then add more:)
Something...passionate.
"My love stretches beyond measures, so wide it passes the threat of death itself"
Eh that's long. You get the point.

" To express my emotions in my poems,
I have kept you in my heart like a heartbeat. "

I'm not a fan of directly referring to your poetry...in your poems. xD I guess I just feel there's another way of saying this first line.
As for the second line, great. I just have a pet peeve of using the same words close together in literature.
So maybe change to
"I have kept you in my soul like a heartbeat"
or "I have made you the drum pulse in my body"
...
Yeah, on second thought, don't use that last one it sounds horrible lol

" How can I imagine to be separated from you
I have spent all my life just for you! "

Either use a question mark after this first line or edit it a bit.
And instead of 'spent', use something more painful.
"I have endured all my life for you and you alone!"

" Your fragrance emanates from my body for a long time
If I happen to touch you for just a moment of time. "

I'm liking the symbolic imagery here! Just a suggestion to change "for a long time". That sounds too casual and doesn't flow well in a dramatic poem. Also, "time" and "time" at the end of these lines falls into my pet peeve category:)

" There might be some who love in this life,
But I'll love you even when I am dead... "

Ah, here we have the ever-so-classic repeat-the-last-line-like-the-first-stanza
Personally, I would avoid this if you're going for originality. But that's just me.
I'm weird.
What about something like
"But I'll hold your essence from beyond the veil"
Idk. Ultimately it's your poem!

Overall awesome job. Just rearranging a few things and add as much imagery as possible. That's what makes it poetic! Otherwise you're just rambling. And the people won't listen to rambling unless you're on a television screen, unfortunately.

WELP that's all I have to say. Yeesh this was long. Sorry!!
Hope I helped and great job! KEEP WRITING!!

~iron.n

Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. i like to begin on the tone of this poem is begging or pleading for this person that even after they have died, they will still love them no matter what the weather or even if they are underground, eyes closed, they will still love you. Also the beat of this poem sorta sounds like a heartbeat of the person under ground (if that makes sense.)\

Nitpick(s):

How can I imagine to be separated from you

This life is too short for love

Hey! I thought you might like a review.

I really liked this. It was very sweet. I noticed a pattern of syllables but not a rhyming scheme. That isn't bad. Actually it works out perfect for what I'm going to tell you. First off, this poem was short. Most of the time this would be a bad thing, but this poem can pull it off. It wouldn't hurt to make it longer, but also not completely necessary.

Second thing, the lines "Your fragrance emanates from my body for a long time, If I happen to touch you for just a moment of time." feels a bit awkward to me. Because there is not a noticeable rhyme scheme (please tell me if I'm wrong) I think you can change the last line to something that varies from the first. Such as "If I happen to touch you for just a sweet, brief moment". Again, just a suggestion.

This was a very powerful poem and you really did a good job weaving the feeling into the words. That is a sign of a great poet. Keep improving!

Rachelle

really beautiful poem... i have already told you my review on it but i don't mind to repeat. the poem is beautiful and express true love which is hard to find
its not a correction really but it is something against my philosophy[ which definitely needn't coincide with yours] what is the value of killing yourself or rather to die for your lover, well it will do no good to anyone. why not live with her - like live a happy life.
the poem could have been more optimistic , but may be pain is the tune of emotions in love, this is really good work and please don't mind my nitpick and take it positively. keep wriring and i would love to read then as long as i am not dead [lol sorry i wont get internet service in ghoost world]
keep writing bye