My Existence!

Review deleted due to being a copy of another's review.

Hello, Doni. Kanome here with a review for you.

Well, this poem really makes me feel a bit sad on the inside. Especially because this is how I personally feel right now. What is the point of remaining in a world where no one knows you exist? To the point where you feel alone and depressed. Even if you try making new friends or a new relationship, they just treat you differently, just because?

Anywho, this poem is really amazing. Like I said, I feel an emotional connection with this poem.

Nitpicks:

When there existed no one...

Hello darling.
let's dance.

I can't say I enjoyed this. It felt like you were trying to write a very pretentious, uppty poem, but what actually happened was it made no sense at all. You gave us no context, and the poem feels like it's bits from different poems smushed together to make one big one. You start by talking about divinity, so I assume that it's going to be about spirituality or God. Then you follow those two lines with a new stanza about how you don't matter.
Next, you start talking about never having been born at all. I'm not sure what your goal of stanza three is. You've got two very different ideas here, and both needed expansion to make sense. First, you're talking about how you're all alone in a world full of people-- which would be interesting if you expanded, but since you didn't, it kind of falls short. Then you follow up with being alone in a coffin, presumably dead. You give us no context for how you feel about being alone in a world full of people, so we don't really want to know, or need to know, if you would mind being dead alone or not. Because you squished these two lines together, and like the first two stanzas, didn't expand at all, there is no context for us to take anything from at all. It literally just sits there, not effecting us one way or another.

Next, you tell us you're full of grief and sorrow. This is a step in the right direction, because it talks about your feelings. I wish you would have put this earlier in the poem, because by now I'm already bored and confused and have no desire to really dig in deep.
And the next line, you step back from feeling once again and we're right back where we were before, completely out of context. (That line is overtly pretentious, as well, instead of echoing the sound of the lines before it.)

Next stanza, I feel like you're suddenly trying to use metaphor or something, but I'm not really sure what you're trying to achieve. There's not any metaphors before this, so it makes it really confusing and irrelevant, and the next line just confuses me more because I don't understand where you're coming from.

I like the last stanza, mostly because of the last line. I like the tone, I like the slightly sarcastic way it's written. I would say that line is the best part of this entire poem.


This needs a lot of work. A lot of expansion. You've got a bunch of disjointed thoughts and I'm not sure what you're trying to achieve here, so this poem literally does not effect me in anyway. I'm not even sure what you're writing about, it's so all over the place.

-Spark

I enjoyed reading this. A simple and touching spiritual poem. Best part is the third line. Last lines are also good. Keep on writing more, good luck.