A day without internet!

Hey there, Aeros here giving a review!
(Warning, I'm highly critical, and maybe slightly hypocritical)

First off, I like your title. For some reason, I love the irony of reading "a day without the internet" on the internet, haha.

Second, the content in the poem is hilarious! Im sure that most people can relate to having a terrible day with slow or nonexistent internet. It personally sets me off on the fast track to having a bad day . The ending really got me though, I love it when problems are caused by easy mistakes

Now Im going to get a little nitpicky (however, feel free to disregard everything Im going to say if it was your intention to write it that way).

Your syntax in a few sentences is a little bit off, in my opinion. As I'm reading it I'm jumbling a few words in my mind, haha. Just run through it and you might see what I mean. Like in the second line, when you write "...to check YWS up." To me, that sounds like it could be reworded slightly, and you could put a better rhyme than up going into another up.

Your rhyming couplets were nice, if slightly inconsistent. Not sure if you wanted it to be that way, but I don't really think it detracts from the poem at all. If I were to make a suggestion, maybe stay consistent with the rhyming pattern. There's also a strong chance that Im just blatantly missing the rhyming pattern, and Im sorry if I am, haha.

That's generally it, haha. I was going to make a comment about some word choices, but as I read back through the poem they all made a lot more sense to me.

Hello!

This was cute. It is supposed to be a humorous poem, and I appreciate your nice little couplet rhyme scheme. It added to the humor.

I can really relate to this, as it's very hard for me to function, academically and socially, without access to the internet. I'm sure many others can. That's what makes great humor. Familiarity.

I am confused about two things.

1) why did you abbreviate "didn't" even more than it is abbreviated? You don't seem to have a set meter, and really, that kind of thing is only necessary when a set meter is present in the poem.

2) I wish you would have expanded on the terrible day that the narrator had. Make it funny and the poem would excel in humor even more than it does now.

Altogether, I enjoyed reading this. Good work. Happy YWSing!

Wow! This is extremely relatable (as all the comments below confirm). I laughed so hard at the end, after you realised that the power switch had just been turned off. It was hilarious, yet I feel your pain about missing a whole day of internet activity.

Early in the morning, when I woke up;
Rushed towards the computer to check YWS up.

To my surprise, the internet did't work.
It felt as if I missed all the things up.
My only nitpick is that you finished two stanzas with the same word. You may want to change that. Other than that it was really enjoyable to read. You should write part two.

Finally, someone else who knows the pain. Living in a part of the country where the fastest way to figure out the date is to build stone henge at nearest sacrificial ground (which, as it turns out, happens to be the woods behind my school), there is many a time when the interwebs are nothing but a blank Google Chrome tab with nothing but a message telling me how they can't fix the problem, and that stupid pixilated dinosaur of doom. I mean, how do they expect me to ever get my daily eighteen hours of mindless internet browsing? Do they seriously want me to go down to the woods behind my school and sacrifice a small creature to the dark gods of the internet, lord Gates and lord Jobs? Without the internet I am nothing. Sometimes I'm even forced to do the most horrifying thing of all out of sheer desperation - go outside. There is no hope without the internet, and for bringing this information to the masses through this well-executed poem, I thank you. I really wish I could make this review longer, but my fellow New England druids are currently constructing a wicker man to put our Vermont captives into (Along with Nic Cage), so I have to go and help. Good day, and praise be WiFi, thy great bringer of the interwebs.

~Cirute

Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. i like to begin that this poem made me laugh (I have no idea why it made me laugh.. maybe it is since this could be true for most teens on here that have to check the internet daily for anything). Also the end rhymes are wonderfully well-done, making the tone of this poem as worrisome type of poem (wanting the internet to turn back on or something like that.)

Nitpick(s):

At the end two stanza, I don't think you can rhyme a word with a word. Yet when i read it over again, I don't think that you would needed it to rhyme. Also I think you should changed the last stanza from A day without internet was a terrible day to Without internet, on this terrible day since you were repeating the same idea twice.

Overall, I think many teens could relate; since our minds are programmed to look up the latest videos or look online at out media sites like Facebook or YWS. However, this poem- I would think- has message behind it too such as- Remember kids, you must turn on the internet before using it.

Farewell,
CapitalMonday

Hello-

This was a great way to express your feelings. And I'm sure we can ALL relate.

Just be sure, though, about rhyming. To be honest with you, it did not work. Some lines had rhymes, others didn't. The first and last lie used the same rhyming words. To add to that, some of the rhyming felt a little forced and tied too right together. Just try to loosen it up and flow it better, not "forcing" rhymes in there.

Your grammar/punctuation was slightly off as well, but you can fix that quickly wit the help of a friend or just quickly skim over it yourself.

Hope this helps!

~ EternalRain

Okay, how did you write a poem about me!?
Ha ha just kidding but it felt as if that was me. Totally know that feeling.
Now for the review part, I think the first few sentences ending with up all the time doesn't look good. It was a simple poem so no further comments except the place where you wrote sunshine. I think it should be sunset as the poem begins at sunrise that is sunrise. So I think you get it.
That's all, the first poem in a really long time I felt belonged to, do thumbs up for that! Keep writing. All the best!

Teenagers have always been influenced by the internet. Your poem states how you feel when that influence was taken away. The part about god not being pleased was a little much. But I like the part about the tears, it was dramatic. The poem was amazing and I hope you keep writing! I would like to hear more about your perspective on life. I think you give depth in your pieces. You are grate at writing.

Yes, yes, yes, I feel you Hahaha...

I love the poem. It has a humor to it. But you have to be careful with the word like 'did't' ... I'm not sure if that is your style, but spelling is important in all poetry. Also the part, "will get internet before sunshine!" I wonder if you did that on purpose, just make the sure the punctuation mark is right...other than "!" Use "?" Cause its like you're asking a question.

But the poem is good. I like the concept! great job! Hope to read more of your work!

the poem is really funny and a true reflection of a teenage day without internet. i liked the way that you kept it simple and smooth. but there are some nitpicks-
"I never would be able to forget this day.
A day without internet was a terrible day."
"Early in the morning, when I woke up;
Rushed towards the computer to check YWS up."- here the words are repeated to fit in the rhyme, better use some other word and there are plenty, moreover i noticed you used this sort of rhyming in first and last line only - is there any significance to that?
the tune was skipping in some parts, like they were forcefully tied up, and the end was rather abrupt and without any punchline- try to work on it - you will surely find something more suitable.
the poem was truly funny and modern, however a classic touch of poetry would have been more preferable. i love your works but this one was only average... i know you can do better
keep writing,
Rituparna