E - Everyone

Something I Realized

I felt like everyone here is mine,
But I failed to understand that
The people here are so mean,
And so is this world.

The days of happiness are over,
As I have discovered the truth of this world.
Tears flow from my eyes as I think of it.
Reminds me of them that they were hoggish.

They are alive like a corpse,
And their feelings are dead.
It is useless to live in the world
Where feelings are shattered like glass.

Why should I just not shove aside
And erase my existence from here?
I feel like death is less painful than living.
Now my heart looks for reasons to die...

Comments & reviews · 6
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User avatar
wamdog321
Review

Review deleted due to being a copy of another's review.

User avatar
Urba
Comment

Hiii....
Omg ur dangerously true...I realized it a long ago...this terrible truth...oh...may Allah bless these mean people and show them the path of life...

Byeee...... :) :D...

User avatar
Chekwube
Comment

Hi! This is beautiful. I don't know, but that is how I think when I feel so much.

User avatar
Lightsong
Review

Hey. I'm here to rip apart your poem into tiny little pieces, and I'm going to eat them.

I felt like everyone here is mine,
But I failed to understand that
The people here are so mean,
And so is this world.


Stick to one tense. If you start with past tense, use it throughout the poem until you reach a point where you need to use other. I am not sure how the first two relate to the last two lines. Perhaps you are trying to say, "They are mine, so I know them but it turns out I don't." In that case, rephrase the sentences. If not, change the first line with "I live with them for so long", and replaced "but" with "and yet".

The days of happiness are over,
As I have discovered the truth of this world.
Tears flow from my eyes as I think of it.
Reminds me of them that they were hoggish.


The comma at the end of the first line is not needed. The third line would flow better if you put some active actions at the front. "Thinking about it makes tears flow out of my eyes." But I guess it depends whether you want to focus on the tears or the action of thinking. Last line is okay.

They are alive like a corpse,
And their feelings are dead.
It is useless to live in the world
Where feelings are shattered like glass.


Replace "corpse" with "corpses". It is the same as saying, "all girls are beautiful individual," or "the guys are like a pirate". Plural form should be compared with other plural form. The second line is kind of obvious - corpses logically are void of feelings. But I concede since it gives explanation to why you think they resemble corpses.

The last stanza is okay. I have an issue about its last line though because the reasons the protagonist's heart wants to die is showing in the overall poem. The previous stanza in fact clearly shows that it is useless to continue living when feelings are shattered like glass.

Overall, I understand the idea you deliver, and your sentences are indeed poetic, and melodramatic. Keep up the good job, and hopefully you'll come up with fresh ideas next time! :D

User avatar
catmuffin
Review

What you're experiencing is probably an existential crisis. A wise man once told me, you only have one life so it;s up to you to make the best you can of it. The world is harsh and cruel but it doesn't mean you have to be. Keep you head up and work hard. Never back down and always come back 2x better than the last and one day we might see your name in lights.

On a side note, lovely poem. I could feel your emotions through the words which you expressed wonderfully. I'm not a poet, heck I don't even read poetry much, but this was a very realistic of how almost all of us picture life in general.

keep writing ^^

User avatar
Dracula
Comment

The world is stupid. :/

No it is not the world is a wonderful place :O



what are stories if not just vehicles for the pain of your own heart
— soundofmind