The time I'll leave you...

Hello.
The poem I think is a shot at something greater but you've come only midway to the aim. It not only fails to engross me and bring the emotions out but it is also very unclear and it feels as if you are imposing something and I don't like it when that happens.
It begins in the midair and after flying through like a deflating balloon and ends midair. That is most saddening part because you can see potential in the theme and the lack of devotion and time from you towards the poem is very clear.
You go on whining till the end without any pause or any turn and at the end, I don't even know who "you" is. That is the one thing that spoils it for me.
Then you are saying the exact same thing in every single stanza, only in different words. You are not trying to beautify the language, not trying to flow in a rhythm and that leaves me to say that it is more of an emotional overflow than a poem.
You could easily have changed this into a masterwork, keeping in mind the theme. Try again and you'll get better results. All the best. Keep writing.

the poem is well written and engrosses a reader in your life. however the theme is quite rough. depression might overcast a work and often beautifies it. however here in your work it does the talking. - this is completely my personal opinion and you have full right to choose yours- live should be selfless.
next i would like to remark that the constant repetition of 'you' is ringing in the ear_ may be at some places you can change it to indirect.
next i would like to s
know the story why she left-is she wrong or was it your fault? your poem needs to be more balanced describing the pain of the incident however here only the aftermath is portrayed.
nevertheless it is quite strong in its sense and compact in its there.
i like the strong bond and the pain one experience through this poem. please keep writing and i would love to read and review them... Rituparna

Hello!

I think this was a rather sweet poem, but there are a few things that I think could use clarifying.

First of all, who is never forgetting who? In the first two stanzas, it sounds like the "you" character, or the person the narrator is speaking to, is never going to forget the narrator. But then in the third stanza, it sounds like the narrator will never forget the "you" character.
The third paragraph is the only one that seems that way, which makes me think that it's probably just a mistake, but it's a rather important mistake.

Some of these don't read right. Take the first stanza for example. The "but" in there is out of place. That would be like saying Even though I like apples, but I don't have any. There's a part missing, or an extra part. Just remove the "but" and you'll be fine.
There are other little mistakes like that through the poem, so just double check. Also, you have a lot of unneeded commas. I suggest that you only punctuate where you would in prose to keep the flow nice.

I like the sentiments in this, but I can't tell what the emotion is. Is this supposed to be like, an angry letter? (You will NEVER forget me! I'll haunt your dreams!!) Is it supposed to be sweet and nostalgic? (Sometimes I wonder if you ever think about me *dramatic sigh*) or something else entirely? You should have more emotionally-evocative words. I know how the "you" feels (depressed) but not the "I."

I hope this helps a bit! Let me know if you have any questions!

I absolutely love this! The words were amazing and touched my heart on so many levels. I didn't notice anything that needed to be fixed, it was perfect. Heartache seems to be my best friend lately, so I can relate to the works from the opposite point. Meaning everything reminds me of him, but I also loved the line, "but you will never be able to forget me." I keep saying the same thing about him.. I have no idea why but I kind of feel like I meant to see this. That's probably crazy but it's okay. I really liked you writing. I wish you the best of luck for future writing!