Note: This is the third poem in a series of five poems. I have written the poems so that they do not directly tie together, but connections can be made if the reader thinks about it a little. These connections will probably change a little from reader to reader. So I encourage you to read the other poems, and if you have the time tell me what connections you see.
Here are links to the other poems, first poem, second poem.
A great soldier can rise,
defeat an even greater foe,
and some how still
make no impact.
He could fight enemies
every day of his life
and still we may not notice.
He could give his life
and still we have
companies and corporations
who can only think of profit.
Why is it so hard
to remember a man so brave?
to acknowledge his efforts?
Tell me what was his death worth
if we use out new found freedom
to fight among ourselves
because she's "your girlfriend."
What did he die for
if all we'll do is hunt around
for bargain priced shoes?
Why would he even bother
if he had known how
we would waste
all of his efforts?
Would you die
so that someone else
could live a life like yours?
Don't tell me you're grateful,
show me, act like it.
I want to see the difference
that this man made.
Show him
you are thankful.
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I'll start with a quick nitpick - the word "somehow" (line three) is one word.
Also, in this line, I think you meant "our" rather than "out".
"Tell me what was his death worth
if we use out new found freedom"
Now that's out of the way!
This piece resonated with me because it is something I have thought about before. There are people out there dying for us, and all we can think about is money, clothes, our vanity and other trivial things.
I enjoyed the flow of this piece as well as the word choices.
I really liked this stanza:
"He could give his life
and still we have
companies and corporations
who can only think of profit."
It's true, our system is set up so that corporations are considered by law to have the rights of individuals, yet human life is valued less than the longevity of corporations who are "too big to fail."
Beyond the system, as individuals, we also have a responsibility to make a difference. I liked the point you made here:
"What did he die for
if all we'll do is hunt around
for bargain priced shoes?"
My feelings exactly. There is so much more to live than thinking only in short-term gratification and material success. We should be thinking about each other and helping each other. I think we should be more grateful for what we have and the people who are dying for us. This goes beyond war, there are kids dying in sweat shops so we can keep our low, low prices on the goods we want. Maybe a soldier died so we could have the freedom to walk around in the shoes a starving child laborer happened to make. We can do better.
Great piece, and I'll be looking out for the others in this poetry series.
Hi Wolf, I thought the title looked incredibly confrontational hee hee so I hopped on over.
Sorry if that looks like I ripped your poem apart. I wasn't intending too. Those comments are just food for thought. Take them as you wish. You don't have to listen to them, of some of them are just thoughts that I haven't decided what I think yet, but it would be good to ask your self, I think.
I also think you style of writing is very, very good. I liked how it read. It was smooth and flowing, with no lines to much longer then others. Generally it doesn't strike me one way or the other, but I liked your move to not capitalize anything in this poem. It made it looked really nice and clean. I don't know why, but I just liked it!
~Messenger
Thanks for the review Mess.
I guess what I mean in this poem isn't as clear as I had thought. It's not so much that I think there's something wrong with looking for half-priced shoes. What I find wrong is that a lot of girls find that more important then going to college and building a life for themself. I feel that a lot of the people I see around me (not all of them, but a lot of them) are wasting their freedom. We have the power to make a difference, but we don't.
Have you heard about the thing with the bees dying off in the US? You realize that the fix for that actually wouldn't be that hard, and most everyone in the US is capable of fighting for it, but for some reason they don't. The movement to save the bees is actually quite small.
And while Memorial Day is dedicated to the soldier's who died, most people don't celebrate it that way. To a lot of people I've met it just a day to invite friends and family over for a barbecue. That's not what it's for.
Thank you for the review. You have made it clear to me that I didn't make my point very well. I will work on that.
ah that makes more sense. I think if you added more about "doing something worth living for in honor of our soldiers" would help make it clearer.
And I agree with you 100% on the Memorial Day celbrations. Honestly, I used to be the same way. This year I saw a picture of a mom and little kid in front of a grave and it had a caption like "Memorial Day isn't a time to have picnics for everyone" and that drilled into my heart like a bullet.