Note: This is the second poem in a series of five poems. I have written the poems so that they do not directly tie together, but connections can be made if the reader thinks about it a little. These connections will probably change a little from reader to reader. So I encourage you to read the other poems, and if you have the time tell me what connections you see.
Here is the first poem.
A warrior returning
to his homeland
receives a welcome
grander than anything
that man could've
ever seen before.
A warrior who dies
in a battle for something
that he believe in
is memorialized.
Stories are told
of his ways and wars.
Both will be remembered
and loved long after
their death and departure.
For they did something
that not everyone
could do.
The one we don't
acknowledge nearly enough
is the warrior at home.
The wife left to wonder
will he come home?
will he die today?
Her beautiful gown
flows and wraps around her
in a cocoon she can only wish
was her lover's arms.
The old material
providing no warmth.
I don't understand
where a woman would find
the strength and courage
to let him leave
when death and destruction
are a guaranteed.
To see someone you love
walk toward something terrible
like a fly buzzing its way
through the air
into a silver spider web
and knowing it all the while.
I hope one day
I can be as strong,
and brave, and kind,
as the woman
who will let him go
without a word.
For now all I can do
is say thank you
for letting him go
so that he can bring
the freedom and hope
that I enjoy today.
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137,563 Literary Works • 672,043 Reviews
Uni here for a review!
First thing I noticed was a few grammar mistakes, "that he believe in is memorialized." I do believe that you meant to say, "that he believe's in..."
"To see someone you love
walk toward something terrible
like a fly buzzing its way
through the air
into a silver spider web
and knowing it all the while." This one is kind of awkward, and hard to comprehend. I could understand it, although it took a while...
There is very beautiful imagery in this piece. My favorite was of her gown. I could see it perfectly...
Keep up the great work!
~Uni
I can relate this to my grandfather's memorial. He was drafted and when he left the military, he was disabled and suffered psychological scarring. He was never quite the same and died a couple years ago from complications with dementia and being bed-ridden.
It's a good point to think about what happens to soldiers when they come back home, and how so many struggle to reintegrate back into society. I thought this piece was really good, and that you hit the nail on the head.
I am interested to know whether you have a loved one who came back from war and if this was inspired by someone you know.
On a literary level, I thought the poem had good flow and a strong message. I think many people could relate to this piece. I look forward to reading the others in the series!
To answer your question, no, no one close to me has ever been in the military. But I do have very close friends who had loved ones in the military, which is mostly what inspired this series. The specific poem was inspired more-so by the fact that I am terrified that one day, when I fall in love, something will come between us that I cannot control. Him joining the military is just one possible scenario of that fear.
Hello!
This was a beautiful memorial day poem. I'm glad you wrote this.
You have some very beautiful images, I especially like the images about the woman's gown, and the spider web.
However, I thought his poem started off a little bit slow. I think you should have started right away with the woman. Maybe just a line or two of the soldiers, to provide contrast. Plus the first couple stanzas were a little weaker in both emotion and in vivid images.
The last stanza felt like a weak ending. It also was rather a run-on sentence. Actually, almost all of your stanzas were just one sentence long. I think this poem might be more effective, and easier to read if you made the actual lines longer, breaking them in places that really feel natural.
Also, where the woman part fell flat for me was where you kept using the same boring and general words to describe her. "strong, brave, kind, courage" blah blah. I want some emotion! Describe just /how/ strong she is. Strong enough to watch the silhouette of her true love disappearing into the distance, and how she just returns to her work because it needs to be done. I think having some more concrete images like that (not exactly that, obviously) would make this poem even more powerful.
Otherwise, I thought it was pretty good. ^_^
Great job, Keep writing!
~fortis