Time...

by WritingWolf

Published October 15, 2012

In Stuff from a while ago

Time, a little mess,
Waiting for no one,
Stopping for nothing.
It goes and goes, without a look back.

It moves so fast, and then so slow.
It makes little sense;
So why go on?
We try so hard, and then fall down.

We struggle and cry,
We stumble and trip.
And no one sees,
So then we fall, again and again.

Through ups and downs,
We try to stand.
And time moves on,
Without a glance.

So cruel it is,
That retched thing.
Not caring for anything,
Much less, anyone.

But we must struggle and cry,
'cause the happiness will come.
One day, some how, It'll come.
It finds use all, no madder how small.
Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Chrisoh99
Review
Chrisoh99 wrote a review Review · Feb 24, 2013

User avatar
LadySpark
Review
LadySpark wrote a review Review · Dec 30, 2012

Helllooo!

Time,>>I feel like something is missing here. Like an 'is'?<< a little mess,
Waiting for no one<<I feel like a period would be more dramatic here. Add an edge to your poem.<<
Stopping for nothing.
It goes and goes, without a look>>If I were you, I'd consider changing this to 'looking instead<< back.


We struggle and cry,
We stumble and trip.

And no one sees,
So then we fall, again and again.

This part doesn't go very well. I think it might be because it's very similar words and it doesn't rhyme and they're not very creative words. Try expanding your vocabulary.

If I had to pick one thing I would really tell you, I would tell you to expand your vocabulary. There are so many colorful words that could have taken the place of the mundane words you chose to use. Also, metaphors are your friend.

Thank you!!

User avatar
noninjaes
Comment
noninjaes commented Comment · Oct 16, 2012

Try using a different browser. I got that with Internet Explorer.

Thank you sooo much!!!!



Oh, I'm sorry. My friends are in the popcorn and I have to save them.
— Tori Hansen, Power Rangers Ninja Storm