Rag

Hi, Wolfie!

This is a pretty decent poem. I appreciate all the images you provide in the poem; it really illustrates what you feel.

I think, however, that there are some issues with your poem that need to be addressed.

The first issue I noticed is that you mentioned water once, and then proceed to refer to the water as "it." Avoid using it; it creates unclear pronouns. And really, if you fixed the second problem I'm going to address, the need for you to use "it" will greatly decrease.

I noticed that, for how short your lines are, this poem is really too long. What you need to do is cut down the words around your images to create a more streamlined poem; what I like to call, more bang for your buck. Condense your poem to make it more interesting. It will also decrease your need to use it so much. Less content, less need to use subjects in sentences.

I found it interesting that you chose to write about information overload. It's quite a relevant subject for these times. I think, however, you started off on the wrong foot by defining what you get in an information overload as knowledge. Knowledge, for me, is a very good thing. Knowledge (good, real knowledge) can serve you for a lifetime. Information overload? You could have knowledge mixed in there, but really, most of what you get in an information overload is small, fluffy stuff that you could forget in an hour and not care that you forgot it. Make sure you make that distinction.

Don't ever end a poem with a "..." because it feels unfinished. You want to have a strong ending for your poem, and if you want it to feel unfinished, I suggest using a dash (not a hyphen, either. A dash (a dash is longer than a hyphen; a hyphen connects two words together, a dash symbolizes a sudden pause)).

Make sure that you're not just listing things in your sentences. Sentences in poetry, while more loosely defined, must still have purpose and preciseness. In several places, it felt like you were just listing things (a fact intensified by the fact you use many commas within your poem at the ends of lines.

Altogether, condense this poem and watch your grammar usage. I hope that this review was helpful to you! Happy writing!

hello!

first of all. really liked the simplicity of it. good rhythm. the poem had good sense both literally and metaphorically.

"I'm like a rag,
the water is my knowledge,
I try to soak it up,
but theres just too much."

really liked the simple way you started it. but here, you say that you're like a rag but then you go on say that you try to soak it up. i mean, why don't you just say that you're soaking yourself up and not an "it". as you've characterized yourself with the rag first.
the other stanza's a re pretty good too and i really liked the way you imperatively invited us to your poet.
a thumbs up to the last stanza where you repeated the first line, that really brought depth and a sense of an ending.
overall, really good poem.
hope it was helpful;
Puck

Hi there!

You have quite a few spelling errors here. Most of them would be fixed by spell-check.

I try to soak it up,
but there’s just too much.

It's everywhere I turn,

Listen to its roaring laughter,

We’re all its toys,
it plays us like a game,
moving us on and on,

I'm weighing down,