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139,345 Literary Works • 672,539 Reviews
Hi! I'm sorry this has taken so long to get to. Life, uni, and everything, you know.
The tightness of the stanzas makes me feel like this poem could do with a good rhythm and ABCB rhyme scheme, or at least some kind of structure to hold this together more concisely.
Some spelling mistakes here:
Should be "their" and "weak".
Overall, I thought this was a little weak. It could be just my personal preference, but I do like imagery, and poetry can really showcase the flexibility of language, and it's a shame not to do so. So the words felt rather plain and bald, and I would have liked to have seen the emotions dressed up a little more to create a greater impact. As it is, it's very bare, so the meaning doesn't come across very forcefully. It's all narration, very prose-like.
So my advice is to dress it up more and make it into something more complex, with layers and more to it than just narrative. I hope that makes sense. PM or Wall me if I was unclear, or if you have any questions!
-twit
Thanks! I'll try to remember that for my next poem!
I liked this. The beat was a little off and there were some spelling mistakes (lead should be led, week should be weak, and worm (I think) should be warm) but other than that it was a very nice poem that conveyed the emotions of the character very well. If this was just an excercise to get to know the character then I think you did very well
I hope it helped you to write your story! Good luck and keep writing!
Thank you!!!
Is it just my computer, or why isn't it separating the stanzas? Please tell me if there separated on you computer; and if you know, then how to fix it as well.
I fixed it.