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The Pressure

by VegasLights


The girl with good grades

is breaking due to the pressure.

Everything is weighing down

down on her fragile mind.

~

She has an image of perfection,

and it’s destroying her.

She is called names

and she wants to change.

~

She starts slacking

so her parents yell at her.

The idea of perfection isn’t hers,

it’s her parents.

~

She relieves a little pain

and now she is an

Attention Seeker.

Things only get worse 

~

Suddenly, she feels numb.

More weighs down on her

Cracking her delicate mind

Until she finally just-  


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Points: 184
Reviews: 8

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Thu Dec 28, 2017 12:22 am
PHER15 wrote a review...



I personally connected with this piece of poetry due to the fact I was the girl with the good grades and it's undeniable that the pressure of perfection does compromise your entire life.

However, the image of perfection can be imprinted in our minds by anyone from family to friend. Back to the review the poem is absolutely amazing and indeed realistic. These problems can easily effect anyone and that's what makes it so realistic.

The lines She is called names and she wants to change captivated my attention. That is exactly the situation this girl would have been putting in considering the previous events.




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76 Reviews


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Reviews: 76

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Sun Oct 29, 2017 8:59 pm
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KaiRyu wrote a review...



*Rolls in* HoI there, hope you’re ready for a spooky review, cause I’m about to deliver! ^-^

First up is the nitpicking portion! "She relieves a little pain." How did she relieve the pain? "it’s her parents." I don't know why, but this line seems off to me. The poem has a great flow up until this point.

Onto the abstract portion! The topic you chose is one hundred percent relatable, and I'm sorry if you have to deal with that. Anyway, back to the topic. How you expressed this persons feelings, and how you emphasized how fragile the narrator's mind is, really helped the reader to grasp how bad the pressure was.

I absolutely loved the ending. Cutting the line off like that adds a lot of suspense, it makes the reader think.

Whelp, looks like I’m finished here, be bold, be daring, and have a happy Hallows-Eve! :D




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364 Reviews


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Reviews: 364

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Sat Oct 14, 2017 3:11 am
zaminami wrote a review...



Hello VegasLights! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
The girl with good grades

is breaking due to the pressure.

Everything is weighing down{,}

down on her fragile mind.

~

She has an image of perfection,

and it’s destroying her.

She is called names

and she wants to change.

~

She starts slacking

so her parents yell at her.

The idea of perfection isn’t her{'}s,

it’s her parent{'}s.

~

She relieves a little pain

and now she is an

{a}ttention {s}eeker.

Things only get worse{.}

~

Suddenly, she feels numb.

More weighs down on her

Cracking her delicate mind

Until she finally just-


I RELATE SO MUCH in 7th grade my grades went down because of peer pressure and stuff and AHHHH this is so easy to relate and see what the meaning is. Very clear, great imagery. My only suggestion is to maybe put a creative metaphor in there to make your point even stronger, but that might be me. I like poems that are cryptic and stuff lol :P great job.

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

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VegasLights says...


Thank you for the review!! I love the Supernatural feels by the way ;)



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Fri Oct 13, 2017 11:12 pm
DeerInBacPac wrote a review...



Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! So, lets get started. :D
So, I quite like the ending. I don't know if others will agree with me on that but I feel like ending your poem this way made it seem...ominous. I did not notice any spelling or grammar errors so thats good. Others might though! The italics for "Attention Seeker" also helped give it more meaning.
The flow could of been a little better but overall I really did like your poem.
Now is when I dissect your poem and see if I can get the meaning right! So, if I am correct, you are writing about a girl who is so pressured by her parents and others to get good grades. So pressured to be that perfect student, to be something that she struggles to be. She is so pressured that she feels like nothing is good enough, not even herself at moments, no? It get's to the point where depression beings to settle in and she can't handle it. She can't think strait no more and she beings to let her grades slip, her parents not so happy with it, making her fall even more down the dark abis. Then she has had enough. She can't deal with her parents or grades or brain that has messed itself up. So, judging by how you ended your poem, she killed herself?

Anyways, I like your poem, keep up the good work and Happy Friday the 13th!




VegasLights says...


The way you put the poem is how I had it in mind. Thank you for the review!! Happy Friday the 13th!!



DeerInBacPac says...


No problem Vegas!



VegasLights says...


:) :)




Pigeon poop is the best way to solve problems.
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