Inside this book
lay my deepest darkest secrets
scribbled across notebook paper
with tiny little doodles poking out behind the corners
Inside this book
lies all my hopes and dreams.
They keep my wishful thinking alive
and kill off any monsters wanting to destroy them.
Inside this book
there are a million stories
each having a million more characters
and each having a villain to wreck everything.
Inside this book
my mind can run wild
and it can even go insane
even if others might think I'm crazy
Inside this book
I have the power to be me
and only I can be that wonderful person.
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139,436 Literary Works • 672,563 Reviews
I liked the repetition of the line 'Inside this book'. I think it worked well in this poem. Since other people have already pointed out you mistakes and whatnot, let me say some good things. Things to make you happy, I guess.
The way you wrote your descriptions and described what you wrote in the notebook made it even more realistic. I could literally picture the doodles in my head, the insanity, and the mischievous smile when it came to the 'dark secrets'. XD
I don't like most of the poems I read, but I applaud you. You really did well with this. You have my stamp of approval. *stamps both your hands*
FANTABULOUS JOB, my good friend!
~Joslyn
I love this poem so much~ It's enchanting and it's reflective of the feelings of most hand-writing die-hards.
I thinks that you can first improve this by separating things into stanza, adding a space between the last line and whenever the beginning line starts.
A little nitpicky thing is that the first time you say "lay" and the second time you said "lies". Choose one or the other.
Thank you for this beautiful poem.
I love this, and I can definitely relate. My notebooks are precious things filled with my hopes and dreams. In them are my drawings, stories, and poems that formed my life at that point of my life. Looking at them is a way to view my life before my eyes far before the ruin of death destroys the point. I really like this poem; I only have a couple comments.
"Lies" should be lie, as hopes and dreams are both plural. Also, in the beginning, lie should be used instead of lay. (I'm pretty sure, anyway... 85% sure. xD)Using "million" twice in a row was a bit jarring to me, and for some reason the use of "everything" in that place just doesn't sit well with me. Perhaps I'm being nit-picky with that last part, though.
Overall, this is a fantastic piece, and as I said, it speaks deeply to me. Notebooks are precious, private things, pieces of one's soul. At least, that is how I feel about them, and it's wonderful to know that there are others with similar feelings.
I really liked this. It had consistent repetition which is always great. All the stanzas were the same length pretty much which is very good for people like me how actually enjoy when little things like that are neat. The subject matter is relate able. The only real criticism I can think of is to actually separate your stanzas. I would say make the last line have an extra line just so it fits in cleanly with the other stanzas but that is just me being nit-picky so you don't have to take that into consideration, that bit is fine as is.