1974

"you've ruined how I can't listen my favorite song anymore," The wording of this line is a little confusing. Perhaps you could change it to "you've ruined me/ you've ruined how I live/ How I can't listen to my favorite song anymore" I don't think that's the solution, it's a bit too dramatic, but I think it needs an intermediary line like that for it to make sense. I'm just not sure what the solution should be.

"how I can't see a kayak and not think of your name" I love this line. It offers so much characterization, and I love that. I feel like I know the person, saves the poem from being generic at all. Lovely.

I love the quiet, bittersweet feel of this poem. I think you did a really good job of encapsulating that feeling.

Wonderful job. Hope this review helped.

-tgirly

Hi there! Here for a review!

Let me just start out by saying, I am going through these exact feelings right now, so this poem really hit home for me. The message of how all these things in our everyday life, and even just our head of course, lead us back to that one person we couldn't keep--it's so relatable.

I can definitely feel your emotions, but the thing is, I don't want to just feel them. I want them to tear my heart apart in a lovesick, mad kind of way. I feel like some of the emotions you were shooting for to evoke fell a little short. Please don't take that to heart- I think this poem has a wonderful and strong base and premise, but I think you for sure have the ability to take it a step further.

I feel like you can use some more colorful word choices to really dig deep. I did get that empty, sad feeling when I read this poem, but perhaps add a little more power.

Let me give you an example. We'll take this stanza, for instance:
"you've ruined my perfectly clean hands and shirts

with the oil from your car.

you've ruined how I can't go to sleep

without wearing your old grey sweatshirt."

Perhaps something more like:

"You've ruined my clean hands and fresh washed shirts
with the oil running from your precious car.
You've ruined how I can't fall asleep
without curling up in your old, grey sweatshirt."

See how just subtle word choice differences can make a big impact when it comes to connecting with the reader? Sometimes it's simplicity that packs the most punch.


Now let's talk about all the good points. I like how specific you were in the details of what hurts you the most to think about. That really resonated with me. I like how you employ a hopelessness to this lost love. I like how you start each stanza with "You've ruined..."


Overall, the structure of this poem was good. I really enjoyed reading this and it is relatable, but I would revisit it if I were you, just to add a bit more pizzazz. I look forward to reading more of your poetry!

Good job!!

Happy writing,

Kali L.

Hello, GoldenArrow here to write you a short review

So I for starters will go ahead and write the negatives first, then the positives

So negatives are well, I am not good at poetry so I am probably not the right person to review this but I really like reading it but I don't think to me anyway, that it made sense, well it did I just mean theirs one part to me that does not, and remember I am not good at poetry and probably will never be but I will try to help and hope that you do not get mad,
"You've ruined the year 1974,
the year my dad was born,
the year my mom took her first steps," why did he ruin them? This could just be me being stupid but I am trying to figure out why?
but I really did like the "stupid Volkswagen" bit that was good.
Sorry if you did not like that I did not understand it, I am truly sorry.
The Positives are that everything else is just great! the thing that I did not understand was fine to except the fact I did not understand it, ha, but this is a great poem.
thank you for taking time to read the review and pleas tell me if I a fended you and could you tell me about the part I did not understand so I do not make that mistake again

Have a wonderful day and keep writing!

from Gold