Maria

I think this is a great story. I love poems that tell a story. Those are always the best ones! It definitely a very deep poem. I can tell it has a deeper meaning. But I am not quite sure what it is. Is it the fact that we wait till everyone else is dead to reveal ourselves. But I LOVE it! Keep going. Your writing is fantastically brilliant! PLEASE WRITE MORE!

This is a very interesting and sad piece. I feel sorry for the trumpet girl. My favourite parts are always the end of the poems like this one

A soldier turned to face her.

BANG!

That was the end of poor Maria.

And as @Keipiesaid you should add this

Her heart beat fast at the empty field,
Men who minutes ago saluted.
Now it up to her,
The final hero on the turf.

Overall very nice poem, though she should have been careful and I like your avatar.
Keep cats moving and writings going.

____STORYBRANIAC

This is a great piece!
I especially loved the lines:
"She played the beginning of the end."
and
"A strand of wispy hair falling from her hat."
You painted a lovely picture in my mind of the setting and the girl, and I enjoyed reading your work
The only thing I would improve upon is the speed of the poem. I feel like everything happens a little too quickly.
It goes from her just arriving to playing. I feel that, with the pace of the first part of the poem, she would have stopped to catch her breath a little first.
The ending is also very sudden. I know this might be the effect you wanted to create, but I think it would have stuck in my mind had you ended it on a more subtle note.
Overall, though, a lovely piece of writing!

Hello! Kei here.
I love historical fiction, love reading it, love writing it

I really like this poem, the way it's written, and the story behind it.
I think you could have extended it more. You have a nice introduction, some good descriptions of her showing up on the field.
Where it gets to:


"Her hat blew off in the wind,

To expose she was not one of them.

A solider turned to face her.

BANG!

That was the end of poor Maria"

I think it ended too quickly. I think you could maybe describe what she felt as she was the last person on the field. Maybe she felt brave and wished she could fight or maybe she wished she had never blown that trumpet. Perhaps she felt a part of the army and decided to let her hat blow off on purpose. Just give the readers a reason to like or dislike Maria, make them emotionally attached. Maybe something like:

Her heart beat fast at the empty field,
Men who minutes ago saluted.
Now it up to her,
The final hero on the turf.

Just an idea.

Another thing, since this is the kind of poetry that doesn't rhyme, you have a lot of liberty to add and remove parts. If I were writing this, I would give some reason in the beginning why she is disguised in the first place. Not extremely important, but could add some more meaning to the poem.

Finally the line:

"She watched as the brave men fell."

would sound better:

"She watched the brave men fall."

Anyway, feel free to take my advice or not take it however pleases you best
I love the feel of this poem and the story it holds. Keep up the great work!
~KeiPie

Timmyjake to give you a review!!

This was really awesome... I wasn't expecting the ending, though. I was reading it, and then I saw the end... Whoa. I will hit my little nitpicks now... There aren't many of them.

Where shots were blown. --I don't know what word to use that would be better, but I figured that I should mention this anyway.... Shots aren't really blown... they are shot.

Men saluted and she played. --That line might work better if the and was as... Or if after the and, a then was added in.

To expose she was not one of them. --That line doesn't flow like the others... I think its just how you wrote it.