Young Writers Society

This is a beautiful and romantic short story. Also as GreenLight24 said, it is deceitfully dark at the same time. But otherwise it is a beautiful short story. I don't think I could ever write like you. You are a talented and an awesome young author. You have a good future going for you. Never give up and always write a story.

-Unknown391625

Wow. This is beautiful... But deceitfully dark at the same time. You can almost feel the man's grief even as he tries to keep it hidden under the surface. Nice job!

Hello, this is Verser with a review for this melancholy, yet beautiful poem. (I think it's going to be short)

...What can I say? This poem is absolutely beautiful, from beggining to shock-ending. To pick a favorite part would be foolish. I like how, throughout the whole poem, you describe this person as if she was living, for example: "Tom and Alice came to say hi, but you were asleep so they left quickly". It makes your mind twist up in knots trying to figure out the meaning.

Thank you for contributing this wonderful peice of art to YWS

Short, sweet, and surprising. I really like this. At first you think the wife is just fine, then you suspect she might be sick, then finally at the end you can tell she's dead.

"I used one though,

I'm sure you will understand."

I love this line. It tells me a lot about their relationship in just a few words.

A few nitpicky things--in the last line "myself" is one word, not two. and the part where you said she was "asleep" was a little confusing.

Overall, I really love this. Peter has a very strong voice. Great job!

Lovely. The death/normality imagery was gorgeous, such as 'doorstep', ( I assume it means gravestone?) which gave blurred areas between what was happening and made the poem able to be inferred to as you wanted. The last line 'tell me how the clouds are so I can convince myself to join you' was very poignant and conveyed the sense of loss and longing exquisitely. Love it!

First i would like to tell that your title of the poem is really good.
Coming to the poem part, i think you could have used more touching words rather than the words you use in a story because some lines were like reading a story. Use some words which rhyme or atleast which fits to the rhythm of the poem or else people will loose interest.

In the last lines
"Get back to me as soon as possible.

Tell me how the clouds are so I can convince my self to join you." you could have used come back as soon as possible or just tell how the clouds are so i make up my mind to join you...

Hope i was not rude..

Keep writing..

Abhilash V C

Oh.....*lets out a soft sigh and smiles*

very, very good. breath taking. I was intrigued the entire time. wonderful piece of work!!

Hi there TinyJarStoredDreams! Nite here to review!

Now, I have a much...darker interpretation of this poem than the previous reviewer. I gather that he's killed her, left her body somewhere that no one's discovered, and managed to convince people that she's still alive. Very interesting. But if I'm miles off, you may want to re-word to make your actual message more clear.

That said, I think you have some strong images in this poem. My main critiques are on wording and punctuation.

You looked the most beautiful I've seen you in years,

it's the natural look

Grace asked how you were

I said you were doing fine.

She sends her love and her white roses that sit on your doorstep.

but you were asleep so they left quickly,

only leaving a box of your favorite cigarettes.

I used one though.

I'm sure you will understand.

Get back to me as soon as possible.

I love this! It's so simple, yet so sweet and meaningful. I liked how you used easy-to-understand diction and syntax, allowing any reader to get it without bombarding them with sophisticated ideas, but also sounding poised and being well-spoken. This was fantastic!

If it was on purpose, I like how you made "my self" two words. Even though the commonly used word is "myself," think the way you split it into two creates a different meaning, and it definitely caught my attention, as I'm sure it did others'

The title is AMAZING!!! And I love letter format. If I write a novels for a living, I would count on lots of them being in journal or letter format. I just love it. Also, the description you had for the letter really dragged me in and got me to read this.

Awesome work!!

Fabulous.

Hey. InuRa here for a review

This is so sad.
I know that the poem was about a man writing a letter to his dead wife.
I know because of the line that said,
"Tell me how the clouds are so I can convince my self to join you."

And this is a small nitpick but, "so i can convince my self." myself is two words.

All in all this was a sad, and very emotional, poem.