Young Writers Society

Hey there. Representing team Red Writing Hood with a review for you on this fantastic February review day!!!

First off, I just would like to applaud you on the subject matter here. It's not often that people are brave enough to write about something like bullying so candidly, and I think it's something we need more of in the writing world. I don't know if this is a story that's inspired by your personal experiences, but if it is, just know that things will get better; they always do. Sometimes you just gotta roll with the punches and keep your head up.

I also really appreciated the commentary this offered on labeling in our society. Let's just think about this for a second. Human beings are reactionary creatures and have the highest capacity of any creature on Earth to feel emotions. We form judgments of basically everything, including other people, in an attempt to discern things that would benefit us and things that probably wouldn't benefit us. Sometimes, when people don't know exactly which of those categories something falls into or are intimidated by it in some way, shape, or form by something, they react by trying to prove to themselves that whatever it is can't hurt them. With bullying, they do this by hurting the person in question either verbally, physically, or mentally. It really is a shame that so many lives have been touched by it, but it's a reality that we have to live with and work towards making better. Labeling is just the tangible manifestation of those inevitable judgments of the world around us.

Now then, the criticisms.

Although you had a very good premise here and a very solid understanding of what it might be like to be "in the shoes" of the narrator, I feel like this piece is a little bit lacking in the narrative voice department. Judging from this piece, the narrator is a a pretty generic kid who's been a victim of bullying at school. You never really develop him into a unique character who's somehow different from the rest. It's possible that you did this on purpose in order to show that bullying effects everyone at one point or another, but if not, I'd consider taking a second look at this. This seemed to me like it was the classic (and quite cliche) story of the smart and nerdy kid who gets bullied by the jocks. We all know that that isn't really how all bullying occurs and that the realistic image of bullying is a far different one from what's portrayed here. Just a thought. Also, some of your sentences come out a little bit awkward and it seems like you need to rethink your word choice in some spots.

Aside from those few things, I applaud you for being brave enough to write something like this. Good job! Happy review day and I hope this helps you should you decide to revise this story. Never stop writing!

Sergeant Ulala reporting to review your piece!

Everyone has a label. Mine says dork, nerd, and geek.

My mom tells me every night while she makes dinner and I complain.

my head shoved into a wall.

The boys mock shoving

This runs on a never ending cycle leaving me

But everyday I woke up dreading the next eight hours knowing the hell that waited

Hey you.
You moved me with what you wrote in here.
I cannot imagine how hard it is. I've never been there, but I know a little of abusive people who are nothing and need to step on someone to feel important.
Some people grow up with stupid labels in their foreheads.
Who labels them? Who is this almighty idiot that can label me a dork, just because I'm different?
The way people are complacent about this vicious cicle is disgusting. It's like a natural life course to them. But we are the ones who suffer. We are the one who cry in our knees and pray. Yes, pray. Even if you lose faith, God won't vanish. He may be silent, but how long weren't we?
If you don't talk to a friend, how do you expect him to do you favors easily like that? Imagine God.
But if you don't, no problem. You can still look at the bullies face and think to yoursself: one day you will pay somehow, not by my hands, but by life hands.Life can be a hard teacher to the ones who are weak of spirit.
Break with the expectations.
If you want a different result, do something different.
Let them in the mud and walk up the rainbow.