The Girl

Hey I know this is an old poem but by the last ine did you mean she dies?

Post on my wall please

Hello there, Buzz here to review!

I liked the general theme of the poem although romance isn't my favorite genre, this was written well and simply as it was in a narrative form. I liked the ending of it because it a bit different to what I expected and dare I say it, was cute.

However I have a few suggestions to make which you may or may not want to take in consideration but are in hopes to improve your poem even further.

I know it's meant to be narrative but the beginning feels a bit more factual and less poetic, imagery would've been good to add too.

"There once was a girl,
And when there’s a girl,
There is usually a boy.
Now this girl was different than most girls.
She didn’t like ponies or dancing or any of that stereotypical girl stuff
She liked a boy."

Here, I like the opening but the way it's phrased makes it sound a bit awkward in my opinion. When you say that the girl is different, I don't really see how she is different to every other girl by liking a boy? Instead of using the term "stereotypical girl stuff" and giving examples of what those are, you could say, she's no ordinary girl and then go onto saying how she's different.

"Now here comes the problem.
This boy didn't like the girl."

Here, the word usage needs something poetic or a widened vocabulary to get any sense of emotion you're trying to convey. Vaguely stating he doesn't like her isn't creating much emotion or empathetic connection.

"The girl would plead for his attention and affection,"
I liked this line because you see the slight sense of desperation.

"He was very different than the girl."
Grammatical error here, it should read, "He was very different from the girl"

"Not one of her friends came to visit her that day,
So the girl was forced to sit alone in the room hoping for someone to visit."

This is good but I would've liked to see you elaborate on this feeling of no one, not even friends attending, just a minor thing.

"He came and sat by her bed and held her hand."
Another minor thing but, the two "and" interrupt the flow a bit, maybe;
"He came, sat by her bed and held her hand"
It helps to read over your poetry out loud sometimes.

"She knew the boy already knew she loved him too"
The repetition of "knew" could be avoided so the sentence flows better.

Overall a nice poem with plenty of potential, well done and keep writing!
Hope I was of help to you.

-Buzz

Hey there Speakerskat here to write a review for you
First can I just AWWWWWW so romantic XD
And I loved how your writing style (the way you formatted your poem) was so unique and different, I rarley see writing like this so good job there! It was also a very interesting read and I don't want to ( or have any critisisim) critize this piece of work for fear of taking away from the beauty of your individual writing style :3

Keep it up
( and I love your kitty avatar!)
Kit

Hi TinyDream, I really like the concept here. Written in narrative form and has a clear plot.

There once was a girl,
And when there’s a girl,
There is usually a boy.