if you have ever been in love,
you know what true pain
fear
hope
and happiness feels like
it feels like being run over by a stream roller
being stabbed in the back
being weightless
and having closure with yourself.
but if your lucky the love will never end
in my case
it ended with a sharp knife and a whisper of a scream
it ended with pain
fear
hope
and happiness
It had closure and understanding
and a ending that ruined everything
it was perfect and flawed
and it was mine
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Canary word: Present
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125,025 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hey!... your poem made me go "DAYUMMM"..
So, I loved it.
I didn't really find any errors in your poem, grammatical or otherwise.
The meter was consistent.
"but if your lucky the love will never end
in my case
it ended with a sharp knife and a whisper of a scream"
^ I loved those lines the most <3
The ending was also nice. It was emotional, touching.
"It had closure and understanding
and a ending that ruined everything
it was perfect and flawed
and it was mine"
Btw!.. I just noticed, it should be "an ending" .. xP .. but the rest was AWESOME xD
STAY AMAZING, KEEP WRITING !!
I love you
Awww... I love you too xD
I like the poem. the mixed emotions that you portrayed through your words is amazing. pain, fear, mixed with hope and happiness. It's perfect and yet flawed. this paradox is interesting indeed. Life is full of paradoxes. And your poem employs that deftly. Love is never only a bed of roses. As is life. Keep writing.
Hello! Kam here for a review and hopefully a good one considering it is laaattteee
Okay, so lemme just start off with the good stuff. I like the emotion expressed in this poem, and I like the scarce detail a little bit, because it leaves me guessing. who was this love? A boyfriend, a lover, a loved family member? Was it a pet? I kind of like the mystery you leave here and the emotions you express.
Onto grammar, I don't really see anything obvious, mostly because I'm terrible at detecting grammatical errors! But, the way you worded and the double spacing and such really set a tone to the story. I feel like the look of the words plays a roll in the telling of the story!
Onto the improvements you could make, but this is just my opinion so don't fret! It is nothing huge to worry about.
I feel like the story could be lengthened. It is very short and it is amazing but I feel like if you could put more material into the poem/ story it would really express more feeling and tone and such.
The vocabulary is a bit sub-par. You could expand your vocab by looking up synonyms and such for certain words. I like it when someone has an extensive vocabulary because it makes everything so much more....professional. I feel like this could definitely have a more serious and professional vibe with better words!
the idea is vague, to simply put it. I wonder if this is supposed to be a quick, relieving speech to oneself but it shows no detail of the significant other, which would seem to be important if they had betrayed the character so harshly and really loved them as well. I mean, my opinion but I feel as if it would make more sense. Maybe just because I love detail XD
anyway, thats it for now! Tata, and keep writing! You have serious potential!!
I feel just the same way, so I love what this poem expresses. It's greatly written, with simplicity and easy to understand.
I love it! I love the figurative language used!
Be careful with grammar "your" should be "you're".
Hey! I like the emotion that you convey in this poem but I think you need to work on a few things. If you're going to tell someone how somthing feels, tell them. If you're going to make them infer about their own experiences then make them do so. It's always good to set a spacific tone or message that your readers can fallow, but of corse it is your poem so you can stylize it how ever you like. Grammatically speaking, just because it is a poem dosnt mean you get to bypass certain rules for emphasis. I suggest you use commas between pain, fear, hope and happiness. Over all the poem has good potential but don't give up and clean it up a bit! I would love to read a revised version.
Hey! I like the emotion that you convey in this poem but I think you need to work on a few things. If you're going to tell someone how somthing feels, tell them. If you're going to make them infer about their own experiences then make them do so. It's always good to set a spacific tone or message that your readers can fallow, but of corse it is your poem so you can stylize it how ever you like. Grammatically speaking, just because it is a poem dosnt mean you get to bypass certain rules for emphasis. I suggest you use commas between pain, fear, hope and happiness. Over all the poem has good potential but don't give up and clean it up a bit! I would love to read a revised version.