I hate him.
I hated him when he left me alone in the rain,
When he told me I could do better than him,
And when he spilled coffee all the way down the front of my new dress.
But now,
I'm alone in my room in one of his old tee-shirts,
Listening to one of his burnt CDs he made for me,
Trying to figure out why
He hates me too.
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139,558 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Hello there
I really enjoyed your poem! Its short but it explains a lot.
I always encourage other people that write poetry like I do, to write a story based on the poem that the already wrote. It feels good to see a character of a poem come to life on (a long or short) story! you're able to let yourself try actions more than thoughts!
hope you find this helpful and if you got the time review my first poem as well
-Pavlina
Good work! ^_^
Hello!
This is a very nicely written poem, so great job! Poetry unfortunately isn't one of my strengths, but I believe I have read enough of it to know when the author has done it well, and this is one of those times that I think that.
What I liked most about this poem was that after just the first few words, I could tell what the general theme of it seemed to be. You're talented in putting a lot of emotion into not a lot of words, too.
I also really liked how you kept this true to reality, if I am making any sense. A lot of people, including me, tend to describe just the emotional part of the poem, and they forget to actually describe the scene of it. You're clearly not one of those people, as you did both very well.
Excellent poem, Tiny, I really enjoyed it c:
Keep it up!!
~Spiffy
Hi!!
This is a very nicely written poem. I love the format and the way you got the point across and still was able to make the poem short and sweet.
Your emotions are so real and felt throughout this poem.
There's not really much to critique..so...
Well, it really caught me...hook, line, and sinker!
I love how you began the first stanza with the conclusion of the last one!
Great job overall!!
Keep writing!!,
~Tiff
Aww thank you!!! Such a sweetie pie c:
Great poem!
It's short and sweet and easy t connect with.
I love the ending, for just a few words it was pretty emotional and serious which is what gave it such nice impact.
Over all the flow of your work is great, everything sounds nice and consistent with the mood and theme.
However there is one correction that line " when he spilled coffee all the way the down front of my new dress" is awkward to read
I suggest moving "the" so instead it reads "when he spilled coffee all the way down the front of my new dress"
That is the only correction I have for you, so keep up the good work and have an awesome rest of the day!
-Carmenbluestar
Fixed it! I hope you have an awesome rest of the day too buddy!
Will do
Hello! I'm LittleFox, here to give you a review!
I think this poem is very well written and you've done a great job with it. This is a feeling most people expedience at least once, so it is easy to get caught up in the feelings when writing something like this, but you kept it simple and thus meaningful.
The only criticism I have for you is just a little grammar mistake.
"And when he spilled coffee all the way the front of my new dress."
I think there needs to be 'down' in front of "the front of my dress."
So all in all, this is a great poem so keep up the good work!
-LittleFox
Fixed it! Thanks for the review :*<3
You are very welcome